As I’ve been reading through Ross Rohde’s book, Viral Jesus,
the last few weeks I’ve been both inspired and humiliated. Inspired, because
the book is packed with story after story of how real Jesus is and how often he
shows himself to those who are seeking him in everyday situations. Humiliated,
because I realize that I have been so oblivious to this reality for so long now
that I have become numb to the voice of God and the power of His Spirit within
me.
So, what do I do? I
am balanced on the precipice looking down a sheer drop into despair at the
enormity of my failure. How could I be so foolish? How could I become so blind?
My faith, for so long, has been slowly draining away until it seems now there is
little left within me to even take a breath. My fear of man has paralyzed me
somehow. I have forgotten that to die to myself I must suffer first the death
of my reputation among men. I have tried to carry my cross when no one is
looking, and this has made my cross a little bit lighter, a little less painful
to my flesh. Maybe now it’s not even a cross at all? Maybe it has become an
exercise in religious pride, or worse, hypocrisy?
This is why I cannot
read much more than a page or two of this book without closing it shut and
bowing my head to contemplate the glorious power of God and, at the same time,
my own sins of compromise and self-deception.
While I could easily
spend my time wallowing in the depths, and believe me, I am very tempted to do
just that, I remember something wonderful. I remember that I’ve always known
what a loser I am. It comes as no surprise to me that I am foolish and prideful
and weak. This is who I am, inside and out. I admit it freely. So what? This is
what Jesus came to fix. This is who He died for. This is what He lives to make
right. This is why I came to Him in the first place, because I was so
completely aware of my own desperate condition without Him.
This week as I
shared this with our house church family at the Mission, my wife read from
Philippians 2:13-14 where Paul says, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider
myself yet to have taken hold of (knowing Christ). But one thing I do:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward
the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ
Jesus.”
The good news? God
gives us the opportunity to start over. Once we realize where have gotten off
track, we can stop where we are, confess our mistake, turn around and start off
in the right direction again. Like Paul, we can “forget what is behind” and
“press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called (us).”
So, today I draw a
line in the sand. This is the starting line. I am off now in the right
direction. Jesus has given me a clean slate. He loves to make all things new.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
1 comment:
I'm learning those lessons myself. It's not easy, but I'm thankful the Father loves me enough to not let me go too far in the wrong way.
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