Cognitive Dissonance Re-Examined by Laura Anaya

[NOTE: This guest blog post is a response to my podcast “Cognitive Dissonance”]

A thought on cognitive dissonance,  and the anger people have at being confronted with truth  - even truth you agree with. 

One of the key teachings of the church I grew up in was that the sin of Adam and Eve eating the fruit of the tree of Knowledge of good and evil was disobedience. Very little attention, if any, is placed on the effect of the fruit itself, or the doubt in Eve's mind about God being on her side leading up to taking the fruit. 

However in my walk back to understanding God's love I found that there is a profound effect of fear that the fruit of needing certitude of good vs evil has on one’s  life.  It is a shame-based fear that envelopes us when we see ourselves in the wrong.  And we instinctively take measures to protect. 

Adam and Eve covered themselves and hid.  We continue to cover ourselves and hide from each other even when we know our errors.  Often we embrace the certitude of claiming Christ’s name and believing He is God to ensure we are in the “Good” camp, but we do not give up the false security of the fruit of the Tree of Death. We remain self-protective rather than embracing Christ's way of vulnerable self-sacrificing service, and placing our certitude in Him rather than ourselves getting the right understanding and right doing and right saying that will earn the favor of God. 

When this happens we often look good on the outside but continue to rot on the inside.  And any truth that confronts our beliefs will be met with anger or defense, not because it is wrong but because if we realize we can be wrong in one area of our life it shakes the foundation of our salvation, which is a right understanding, and doing Christianity rather than Christ Himself.

I truly appreciate your love and the messages you speak.  Many must die to self-protection and embrace Christ-protection to hear the truth.  It is a painful process to die to self-protection and self-certainty; the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good vs Evil. 

When we claim this as Adam and Eve's sin and don't recognize it as fruit we continue to eat of it ourselves we deny it's deadly effects in our lives today. 

It is difficult, if not impossible, to eat of it and embrace the self-sacrificing service of love Christ made us for and died to regain for us.

-Laura Anaya

 

Conversatio Morem!

As I’ve been reading on the early church, I’ve come across a great saying used by the church fathers and I’d like to make it my own.


The phrase, “Conversatio Morem” can be translated two different ways, depending on the context. The first way is, “Death To The Status Quo”. I must say, I love this. It embodies the counter-cultural aspect of Christian discipleship that I long to embody and to inspire in others. If I ever have a tattoo, it will be of this statement.

The second way to translate this is, “Constant Conversion”. Again, I resonate with this sentiment very much. After studying the writings of Peter, James and Paul I see that they’re idea of salvation was very much a process. They all speak of “being saved” and seem to understand that following Jesus involves a gradual, daily transformation into someone who is like our Lord, and closer to someone who is fit for Heaven.

Our modern understanding of salvation seems to be much more about a single day or event in our lives where we went forward, said a prayer and maybe even filled out a little card. After that we can, and often do, live out the rest of our lives any way we want. If we get into trouble, or need some advice or a miracle, maybe then we will pray and ask God’s help, but mainly our lives after this sort of “conversion” are our own.

Paul, Peter and James see salvation as a lifelong process. All through the book of 1 Peter we see the famous disciple speaking of salvation as something which is occurring to us, or that we are in the process of receiving every day. "For you ARE RECEIVING the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:9, etc.) Peter doesn't see salvation as something you take possession of until the day you’re actually at the Judgment Seat of Christ and it is then He saves you, in that day.

Paul especially sees salvation as being tied to our worship and our worship as being tied to our being living sacrifices (Romans 12). He also is pretty clear that “Your life is not your own; You were bought with a price.” (1 Cor 6:19-20)

We, of course, have the hope and the promise of salvation, but just like the Gospel, it’s about a daily, ongoing submission to Jesus.

I’m trying now to get my head around a daily, “constant conversion”. The Kingdom is about following Jesus, and Jesus said we can’t even begin to follow Him unless we daily take up our crosses and die to ourselves. (Luke 9:23)

Somehow, looking at my own walk with Jesus as an ongoing conversion helps me to maintain this counter-cultural mindset in my own life. Now, I understand now that "Death to the Status Quo" is really a personal cry for revolution in my own soul. It is my status quo that needs to be put to death.

Instead of seeing salvation as that day I came forward at the Lighthouse Freewill Baptist Church in Eagle Pass, Texas at the age of 9, now I see it as a daily surrender to Jesus. I walk the aisle every morning. I bend the knee every sunrise and give Him my heart, over, and over again.

Conversatio Morem!

**

NOTE: Originally sent to the subscribers of the subversive underground newsletter on Dec.21st, 2005.

Love Much?

 

“The one who is forgiven much, loves much.” – Jesus

Have you ever found yourself running low on love? Especially if it’s for a certain person who tends to bother you?

Perhaps our lack of love is related to our unfamiliarity with repentance?

In Luke 7:36-50, Jesus teaches a parable to illustrate how our humility is related to our love. The story is told because a “sinful woman” crashes the party where Jesus is dining in the home of Simon, the Pharisee, and proceeds to weep. With her tears she washes the feet of Jesus, and with her hair she dries them off. Next, she opens an expensive alabaster jar of oil and anoints his feet with it. All the while, Simon and the other Pharisees murmur in their hearts about how scandalous the whole thing appears.

That’s when Jesus tells the story of two men who owed a debt to the same creditor. Both had their debts forgiven, but one of them owed a lot of money and the other only a little.

“Which of these men loved the creditor most?” asked Jesus.

Simon replied, “I suppose the one whom he forgave the most.”

That’s when Jesus makes his point about love and how it is tied to our acquaintance with our own sinfulness, saying that the one who is forgiven much loves much, and the one who is forgiven a little, loves little.

Those of us who are more aware of our weakness, and our sinfulness, tend to have a deeper well of love and compassion to draw from than those who refuse to confess their sins and receive God’s mercy. Consequently, whenever we find ourselves with very little love for another person it might be because we have forgotten how much we have been forgiven – and still need to be forgiven.

Hitler and I are both sinners. Without Christ, we would both end up receiving the exact same sentence of death and eternal separation from God. The playing field is level apart from the love of Jesus.

I share this insight with you because there is one particular person whom I am finding it very hard to love. Over the weekend, as our house church family gathered together and the Lord began to speak to us through one another and His Word, I began to realize that the problem was not the other person – it was me.

When it comes right down to it, my impatience and intolerance of this person is directly related to my lack of love. More specifically, my attitude about this person is tied to my blindness concerning my own need for Jesus.

See, God loves this person dearly. In fact, God loves this person exactly as much as He loves me. God sees me and this person the same way – He loves us through and through. So, why can’t I love this person? It’s because I have an unspoken perspective that thinks that this person and I are different. But we’re not. This person is arrogant. I am also frequently arrogant. This person is prideful. I am often prideful. This person is self-absorbed. I’m very self-absorbed at times. This person is not a follower of Jesus. I am a follower of Jesus. But we are both sinners.

As a follower of Jesus I am commanded to love everyone – even my enemies – so that those who have not experienced God’s unmerited grace and favor might get a taste of it by being in relationship with me.

Frankly, this is very, very hard for me to do. Whenever I see this person I want to run the other way. But instead I need to lay down my life, die to my flesh, and pray for the Holy Spirit to supernaturally fill me with His love so that I might be empowered to love this person as God loves him; to bless this person who annoys me; to serve this person who grinds my gears; so that the life and love of Jesus might shine through this jar of broken clay.

So, I confess to you all that I am a sinner, and that I am failing in this area of my Christian walk. I ask for your prayers to live out these things that I have learned. Because, in the words of Jesus: “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (John 13:16-18)

-kg

EMPHASIS: LIFE

"I urge you, therefore, in view of God's mercies, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice to God." (Romans 12:1)

You know, I've not only read that verse over a thousand times, I've also blogged about it here nearly as much. But the other day I actually saw it again and understood it as if reading it for the very first time.

Yes, we are called to be living sacrifices to God, but with an emphasis on the “living” part. See, it’s “life, life, life” that God wants to give you, not the constant pain of the dead flesh being consumed on the altar.

Notice that Paul in Romans 12 follows up this statement  about being a living sacrifice with a list of things he wants to emphasize, and all of them are great things:

First, Paul says that this act of becoming a living sacrifice is our worship to God. Worship is good. Then he talks about transformation and renewing our minds. Those are also great things. Next he says that this will result in knowing God's good, perfect, and pleasing will for our lives.

All of this is good. What's the downside to being a living sacrifice? Nothing. In fact, if you keep reading Romans 12 you'll end up with an even longer list of blessings, including a more loving fellowship in a Body of believers and a more Christ-like spirit towards others.

I suppose my entire paradigm has since shifted regarding this idea of death to self and my need to embrace the continual life of Christ that such sacrifice produces in my heart. For too long now I've been fixated on this idea of death to self (which is still quite necessary) without fully understanding my need to go onward to the part about how God wants to pour into my heart an overabundance of his astounding love and his glorious life.

So, the next time you hear someone talk about the need to die to yourself and become a living sacrifice, be sure to picture in your mind a happy, dancing, life-filled clown like me who is absolutely so full of the life of Christ that he’s about to explode. Because that’s what it actually means.

As God says, “I want your loyalty, not your sacrifices. I want you to know me, not to give me burnt offerings.” (Hosea 6:6 )

-kg

YOUR CHURCH MUST DIE

I used to say that the Church in America needs to go out of business. But now I believe that the best thing that could possibly happen to the church in America is for it to just lay down and die.

Forget about business as usual. Forget about that new program or the next church growth seminar. Forget about hiring a new pastor or cranking up the volume on the worship team.

Seriously? Just die.

Jesus was pretty clear that no one could possibly follow Him unless they first took up their cross daily and died to themselves. That’s what the Church needs to do. She needs to die.

Without death, there can be no resurrection. Without death, the life of Christ cannot be released into the Church.

We all know you can have better worship bands and still not have Christ in your midst. You can also have a great preacher and still not have Jesus at the center.

In fact, you can have all the best programs, staff, doctrine, leaders, facilities and an unlimited budget and still not have the heartbeat of Jesus at the core of your Church.

So, that’s why we all need to die. So that Christ can live in us and resurrect us from within.

As a wise man once said, “unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers toil in vain.”

Another wise man said, “I am the vine and you are the branches. Without me you can do nothing.”

So, maybe it’s time for our churches to die. Neil Cole, in his book “Church Transfusion”, even goes as far as to suggest that every church hold an actual memorial service to celebrate all the good things that our old way of doing and being church used to stand for. Dig a hole in the ground and drop in everything that symbolizes that old way of church. Say a few words. Sing some favorite songs. Enjoy some pies after the service. Go home and mourn for church-as-we-once-knew-it.

Next week, host a Baby Shower. Talk about what this new life might look like. Pray together and ask the Lord to show you as a people what His will and His plans and His purpose for your church might be.

Don’t use this as an opportunity to manipulate people into doing things your way. That’s the old church formula that you buried the week before. Instead, listen to Jesus. Really. Pray and ask Him to speak to you as a Body and wait for His direction. Not just to the senior pastor (like you used to do) but to the entire Body. As Jesus said, “I am the Good Shepherd, and my sheep hear my voice”.

Scripture tells us that, “if anyone lacks wisdom let him ask” so go to Jesus and ask Him. Then, do whatever He says.

If our churches in America would honestly lay down everything they have been clinging to and die to their old ways, then the power of Christ which is made perfect in weakness would be released within us. The resurrection of the Church would begin. And this nation, and the people of God, would be empowered to live surrendered lives of service to one another and the world.

Let’s all lay down and die. The Church needs a resurrection. The World needs a resurrected Church. We all need Jesus to live and breathe in us today.

-kg

Are You Dead Yet?

When Jesus wanted to defeat the Enemy and rescue the planet from the power of death, how did He accomplish this? He died.

“And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!” (Phil. 2:8)

How are we able to follow Jesus? We die.

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)

How did Paul minister? He died.

“I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (1 Cor. 15:31)

How did Paul receive the power of Christ? He embraced his own weakness.

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

What does all this mean? Let me ask you something – Can you defeat an opponent who gains power when they die?

The genius of God’s way of fighting and winning (duh) is to lay down and die so that the love and power of Christ might be revealed through our weakness.

The lower we get, the greater Jesus becomes.

The more we die, the more Christ lives in us.

The more we get out of His way, the more God can accomplish through our submission.

Jackie Pullinger once said “The Gospel is always life for the one who receives it, but death for the one who brings it.” If we are not in the act of dying daily, then Christ is not alive in us.

What’s your mission? To be like Christ. What did He do? He died. The Apostles died. You and I are also called to die so that Christ may live through us.

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (John 12:24-25)

Conversatio Morem! Death to my status quo.

As John the Baptist declared, “He must increase. I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

-kg

CONSTANTLY CRUCIFIED

My recent epiphany has come as the result of reading the book, Viral Jesus, by Ross Rohde. It made me realize how weak my faith had become lately. It brought me both a vision for what could be and condemnation for what I have been lacking in my walk with Jesus.

In response, God spoke to me through one of the letters of Fenelon in the book, Let Go, (which seems to have been written specifically for me). Here’s what I read the other day:

“Do not be like a person I just met a short time ago, who, after reading the life of one of the saints, was so angry about his own life in comparison that he completely gave up the idea of living a devoted Christian life. I know this will not be true of you.” (pg. 26)

So, in one book Jesus revealed to me how far I had fallen, but in another book he encouraged me not to give up hope.

What I’ve also realized in this process is that the areas of my life where I have failed to live out my calling as a follower of Christ are all due to the same failure to die to myself. I can vividly recall moments where I have allowed my fear of man to keep me from speaking the truth. I can remember the conversations where I held back the name of Jesus in order to protect my own reputation. I can replay the scene in my mind – over and over again – when I let an opportunity to share my faith in Christ slip away because I was not ready to suffer persecution for my faith.

In each of those moments, scenes and conversations what I lacked was a willingness to die, even a little bit, so that Christ could live in me. My cross was somewhere under my desk at work, or in the backseat of my car in the parking lot.

Suddenly I am aware that death to self is more practical and tangible than I imagined. Being thought of as “the Christian nut” by my coworkers is the fruit of embracing my own cross. Having people mock me for being “Joe Christian” is what it costs to follow my Jesus with everything I have. Suffering the contempt of my unsaved friends is necessary to the process of dying to myself. It’s also what makes it possible for the Gospel to impact the world I live in – and to impact my life as well.

Unless I die to my flesh, I cannot fully experience the resurrection life of Christ within me.

The real truth. The very shameful and painful and embarrassing part of it, is that I have loved myself, my status, my reputation, more than I have loved my friends and my coworkers. That is my own sin. That is what drives the nails deeper into my heart. I am horrible and selfish. I am the monster that needs to die. Let me crucify that worthless creature of arrogance and pride. I want those nails to pierce this flesh. I need to let this dark person taste the metallic flavor of death on his tongue.

Only Jesus can drive those nails. As much as I long to dance on the grave of this selfish bastard, I love myself too much to do the deed myself. So, please, Lord Jesus, make me to lie down on this rugged cross. Bind my wrists to this cruel beam. Press the tip of that iron nail into my hand. Lift that hammer, Lord Jesus. Drive it deep. Deep enough that it won’t come loose again tomorrow.

I need your life, Lord Jesus. I need to know the power of your resurrection by sharing in your sufferings. I need this constant, daily, crucifixion if I am ever to reach the end of this road and look up into your wonderful face. Only then may I lay down this cross of death. Only then may I lay it aside and rest in your comforting arms.

Until then, I pray, let me be constantly crucified and surrendered to your perfect will.

Let your Kingdom come, Lord Jesus.

-kg

Desperation

As I’ve been reading through Ross Rohde’s book, Viral Jesus, the last few weeks I’ve been both inspired and humiliated. Inspired, because the book is packed with story after story of how real Jesus is and how often he shows himself to those who are seeking him in everyday situations. Humiliated, because I realize that I have been so oblivious to this reality for so long now that I have become numb to the voice of God and the power of His Spirit within me.

So, what do I do? I am balanced on the precipice looking down a sheer drop into despair at the enormity of my failure. How could I be so foolish? How could I become so blind? My faith, for so long, has been slowly draining away until it seems now there is little left within me to even take a breath. My fear of man has paralyzed me somehow. I have forgotten that to die to myself I must suffer first the death of my reputation among men. I have tried to carry my cross when no one is looking, and this has made my cross a little bit lighter, a little less painful to my flesh. Maybe now it’s not even a cross at all? Maybe it has become an exercise in religious pride, or worse, hypocrisy?

This is why I cannot read much more than a page or two of this book without closing it shut and bowing my head to contemplate the glorious power of God and, at the same time, my own sins of compromise and self-deception.

While I could easily spend my time wallowing in the depths, and believe me, I am very tempted to do just that, I remember something wonderful. I remember that I’ve always known what a loser I am. It comes as no surprise to me that I am foolish and prideful and weak. This is who I am, inside and out. I admit it freely. So what? This is what Jesus came to fix. This is who He died for. This is what He lives to make right. This is why I came to Him in the first place, because I was so completely aware of my own desperate condition without Him.

This week as I shared this with our house church family at the Mission, my wife read from Philippians 2:13-14 where Paul says, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of (knowing Christ). But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

The good news? God gives us the opportunity to start over. Once we realize where have gotten off track, we can stop where we are, confess our mistake, turn around and start off in the right direction again. Like Paul, we can “forget what is behind” and “press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called (us).”

So, today I draw a line in the sand. This is the starting line. I am off now in the right direction. Jesus has given me a clean slate. He loves to make all things new.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Consumption, Expression, Identity.

As a society, we are conditioned to find our identity in what we own or purchase. As Christians, we are conditioned to express our faith through the sanctified products we purchase, own or consume. This is the perversion of Christ into Capitalism and an expression of faith through consumption of products. It is wrong.

A good friend sent me an article he found that provided an intriguing historical perspective on our evolution from artisans to consumers. I've pulled out the quotes I found most fascinating below:

A Short History of Consumption
With the rise of the Industrial Revolution, the relationship between people and the goods that they made was broken. No longer did peasants plant, tend, and harvest their crops; now agricultural workers labored over someone else’s crops in exchange for wages. No longer did artisans design, plan, craft, and sell; now factory workers repeatedly carried out a single step in the production of a product, again in exchange for wages.

In short, people were no longer producers, they were now consumers.

Our identities were no longer tied up with the work we did, but with the buying power our work left us with.

So people found their identities not in their work but in the things they could buy by working.

People became consumers, not just in the way they got what they needed but in who they felt themselves to be.

Unlike the artisan who could express his or her identity through the things s/he created, we have learned to do so through the things we buy

The entire article is mainly looking at consumption from an environmental impact perspective, but the points made about our lifelong indoctrination to consumerism as a society are very eye-opening to me.

Here's what I think we need to understand, as followers of Jesus, regarding the observations made in this article above.

CONSUMPTION IS SELF-EXPRESSION
We, as a society, have made consuming and purchasing products part of our identity structure. This is why people will fork out $30 for a t-shirt with some corporate logo and walk around as a billboard for them, not because they love that company or product, not because of their loyalty to the brand, but because they think that logo makes THEM look cool. It says something about them, and so they willingly become walking advertising...and they PAY for the privilege. Amazing.

CHRISTIAN IDENTITY
Honestly, this really does help me to formulate a clear picture of what's going on in the Christian subculture. We're finding our identity as "Christians" in the products we purchase. These products brand us and identify us as a subset of people. Instead of finding our identity in Christ by the way we relate to Him daily, obey His teachings, and emulate His example of service and unconditional love, we now identify ourselves as Christians by our t-shirts, bumper stickers, books and CD collections.

ARTISTS AND CONSUMPTION/IDENTITY/EXPRESSION
It's also fascinating how this shift in our society stems from the devaluing of artisans in our culture. People now express themselves by what they own or purchase more than by what they create with their hands or their imaginations. Artists within our society are influenced by this consumerist identity structure. Artists of faith are compelled to create art that can be sold, or that conforms to the acceptable Christian marketplace. Art in this context is devoid of pure self-expression, unless that expression conforms to the acceptable branding and messaging of the sacred market.

More from the article:
"The rise of consumption as our primary interaction with the rest of our society has had profound effects. For example, social status is obtained and marked by the things we buy and use. A car, for instance, is not just a way to get from one place to another but has to “say something” about who we are — and even the lack of a car says volumes. Unlike the artisan who could express his or her identity through the things s/he created, we have learned to do so through the things we buy: the t-shirt with the logo of our band or team, the bamboo towels that show our environmental commitments, the alternative album that shows off our indie cred, the designer shoes that place us as part of the trend-setting elite, the minivan that shows us to be part of the dependable, hard-working, family-oriented suburban middle class, and so on."

SUBCULTURE AND IDENTITY
The Christian Subculture has a market. That market embraces a brand. That brand has a message connected to it. That message serves the market and encourages ongoing participation in that market. It means providing reasons to continue purchasing these products day after day and week after week. The market serves itself. It exists to keep itself in business.

The Christian Subculture provides an oasis made of soothing products that help us escape from the Big Bad World that is "Out There". It's a sacred version of "Calgon-Take Me Away!" only our message is more pervasive. It's not just one soothing bath to calm our fears of being trapped in a world of sin, it’s our music and movies and clothing and books and toys and key chains and license plate frames and decals and candy and pens and pretty much every conceivable object and piece of product that can ever be branded with our message. It's nearly a complete world unto itself, and it's exactly what Jesus prayed to God would never happen to us. (see John 17:15)

THE CART THAT PULLS THE HORSE
I'm not against art or music or expressions of faith. Most of my favorite musicians are believers and their music contains references to our Lord and to faith in Him. Many of my friends are Artists who paint and sculpt and create art to communicate a Kingdom reality. The issue is not that creating art or any sincere expression of devotion to Christ is wrong. What is evil is the marketplace we've created to showcase product. In the beginning the market existed to serve the Art, now the Art exists to serve the marketplace. We have lost focus. Making money is now the main objective. Evangelism or edification or worship is secondary at best, if considered at all.

During my six years in the Christian Music Industry I slowly began to realize the sickness of it all. At first I saw the industry as a way to spread the Gospel and to provide a voice for talented musicians of faith. But soon I realized that it didn't matter if your music ministry was responsible for leading thousands to Christ each year. What mattered was record sales. If your CD's weren't selling at least 20,000 units per sales cycle you'd be dropped from the label in a heartbeat. It was, after all, a Record BUSINESS, and like every business making money and selling product is the very bottom line. Ministry is incidental, and sadly only useful in the context of marketing the product to your target audience, in order to drive more sales.

Like the money-changers in front of the Temple that Jesus chased away with a whip, the original idea was a good one; To provide animals for sacrifice so that people could enter the Temple and participate in the worship of God. However, when money got in the way the original vision was corrupted and the Temple became a marketplace which obscured access for the common man and made a mockery of real worship. The same is true today.

BACK TO JESUS
The tension still remains between the clear command of our Lord to "Go into all the world.." and a subculture that bears His Name, yet encourages a full retreat from the World and identifies membership based on purchasing the acceptable, branded product. The product carries a message that we should fear those outside of our group. It encourages non-involvement with the culture. It makes minimizing contact with those outside the subculture a preferable reality.

If Jesus modeled radical inclusion and commanded us to be known by our love for everyone, especially those who hate us, and a subculture emerges with His Name on it that encourages us to be radically exclusive and creates behavior by which we are known for our intolerance, hatred and condemnation of those outside our group, we must make a choice. Do we choose Jesus or do we choose the man-made subculture with his Name on it?

I choose Jesus.

If Jesus clearly teaches something, and another organization or person teaches the exact opposite we call that "Anti-Christ". To me it's plainly obvious that the Christian Subculture is "Anti-Christ" because it contradicts His message of inclusion, involvement and meaningful relationships with sinners.

I've said it before and I say it again; "Death to the Christian Subculture!"

BRINGING A CHANGE
Where can we fashion a whip and drive out the money-changers from the Temple? It's difficult because we now deal with this on a massive scale. Participation in this market-driven Christian Subculture is pervasive and intangible. There is no physical structure to kick over. There is no clear method for applying the whip necessary to drive them out.

All we can really do is to begin, one person at a time, to disassociate ourselves with this subculture. Stop participating. Stop identifying yourself as a follower of Jesus based on your purchases. Stop pandering to what the Christian Marketplace finds acceptable and palatable. Make Jesus your single source of Truth. Ask God to show you where you have replaced a Jesus way of life with a carefully branded subculture way of life. Escape the false notions of "Sacred" and "Secular" and just start living, as a disciple of Jesus, in this World (the only World), right now.

kg
**
Originally posted here Oct. 2007

Confessions of a Selfish Mind

There are nights when I look into the bathroom mirror, really look, deep into my own eyes, confessing truths to myself that never come through my lips or over my tongue.

I am weak. I am powerless. I am completely unable to love as I know I am called to love. My selfishness consumes me. My pride, like gravity, pulls me to the ground and holds my feet to the cold, hard earth. I am unable to fly.

Deeper still, I admit my inconsistencies. I desire to be great in the eyes of men, and yet I know that true greatness is found at the feet of men, washing in humility.

I have a spiritual gift to teach others, but I fear the celebrity associated with the title of "teacher" and so I sit silently. I bite my tongue.

In my pride I secretly hope that one day I might be recognized for my expertise asked to speak at large conferences and join the spiritual giants on the big stage, and yet at the same time I loathe the empty hype of events and the vanity of religious experts.

I am torn. But not yet in two.

So, now, God has asked me to allow His Holy Spirit to probe into my dark, sinful heart. The Great Physician has me on the table, the gleaming scalpel in his hand, and He is asking me to lay back and relax and trust Him as the surgery begins.

Oh how I need this circumcision of the heart. Oh, how I need to be made more like Him.

To do only what I see the Father doing is to love others, because that is what He is doing every moment of every day. Yet, I realize that I am powerless to love. Love is not my native tongue. Selfishness chokes on my best intentions. Only Jesus can make me like Himself. There is no good in me. None.

So, I lay back. I close my eyes. I whisper a prayer that God's hand would move swiftly and cut deeply and remove the rotten, infectious flesh from my heart.

I have tried to make these cuts myself, but my hands are not steady enough. My sympathy for my own comfort restrains my ability to fully complete the surgery. So, I nip here and tuck there. I choose a careful section of flesh and slice around the sensitive nerves where pride and selfishness thrive. I hold up the small tumor and wave it like a trophy. Look at what I have learned to live without. Look how I am willing to sacrifice.

But I know it is a lie. Better still, God knows it too. And when I look into those eyes in the silent mirror I cannot pretend any longer.

Only God can make these necessary incisions. Only the One who loves me more than He loves His own life can find the place where I hide my selfish dreams and drive home the knife and cut away the infected flesh and remove every last ounce of pride from my heart.

Only God can heal the wounds, sew me together, wipe my tears away and kiss me where it hurts.

Let it begin.
-kg

"Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar" - U2, "Magnificent"

"...circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code." - Romans 2:29

**
Originally posted here on April 2009

Hindsight Epiphanies

“Is there something you want to ask her?” the interpreter said to me. I paused for a moment and then shook my head. “No,” I said. “I don’t have anything to ask her.”

We were standing in the hot afternoon sun in Ensenada, Mexico, on the doorstep of a housing tract for migrant farm workers. The woman in question, probably around thirty years of age, was sweeping her front porch with a red broom. The floor was hard clay, but she swept it none the less. Her two boys, wearing t-shirts emblazoned with faded American slogans, circled around us. They looked to be elementary-age, but walked with the swagger and bravado of world-wise teens. The oldest one asked something in Spanish and our interpreter turned to the photographer next to me and said, “He wants to know if you would like to give him your sunglasses.” The young man next to me cocked his head and said, “I don’t think so” as we slowly began to turn away from the woman sweeping her porch.

The poverty was severe. Whole families were living in a single space not much bigger than my office cubicle back in the States. I stepped inside one of the corner units and saw that, unlike the room where the sweeping woman and her family lived, most were empty; the floor covered in empty beer bottles, old newspapers, candy and condom wrappers. Some had puddles of water in the center of the mud floor. There were flies. I could imagine the workers returning from the fields in a few hours, searching for an empty patch of ground to sit down or to rest their bones after a day’s work. I stepped back out of the cool darkness and into the warm sunlight to join my friends who were snapping pictures, murmuring quietly to one another in reverent tones.

Why was I here? It was a question whispered half to myself and half as a silent prayer.

I was here because my friend at the YWAM base here in Ensenada had asked me to come and speak to a group of students who were down to build houses for the poor in Mexico. I was here, in this migrant farmer housing area, because my friend had wanted to show me how people here lived. But, why was God putting me here? Why did He put me on this woman’s clay porch? Why did the interpreter ask me if I wanted to ask her any questions?

Eventually our little group mounted back into our air-conditioned SUV and rolled back out on to the dirt road to get something to eat. I watched the dogs chase us briefly in the rearview mirror until they became swallowed up in the silver gray dust of our tires.

Later that night, lying on my bed at the YWAM base, I replayed that scene over in my mind. “Do you want to ask her anything?” What would I ask her? What could I possibly need to know from her? It came to me quietly between slow breaths. “You could’ve asked her how you could pray for her.”

In my mind I saw us forming a circle around this woman, joining hands, praying through the interpreter for this woman’s family, for her sons, for her husband, for their daily bread, for God’s favor on their lives. Yes, I thought, the image in my mind of the prayer we did not offer fading softly. That’s what I could’ve asked her.

Lately I’ve grown weary of such hindsight epiphanies. This being only one of several I’ve had in the last few weeks. Why is it I do not think of these things at the moment, when they would actually do some good? Why is it I only think of what I should’ve said, or what I should’ve done, hours or days later? The dishes I should’ve washed without being asked. The floor I should’ve cleaned as an act of loving service for my friend. The prayer of blessing I should’ve offered the woman in Mexico. Why didn’t I consider these actions in the moment?

This answer came to me as I was on my knees in prayer recently. The reason I did not think of these things at the moment was because in that moment I was more concerned with my own agenda. I was in a hurry to go somewhere else. I was on my way to do something that I wanted to do. My agenda wasn’t submitted to Christ. This is why I couldn’t hear that still small voice; because my voice was too loud in my own ears.

Strangely enough, I am starting to think that this idea of dying to myself, taking up my cross daily to follow Jesus, is not as difficult as we make it out to be. Perhaps this is the most terrifying truth of all. It’s not impossible for me to wake up every day and say, “God, what’s your agenda? Make your agenda my agenda.” I can do that. It’s not that hard, really. But doing it means that I will have to give up something that I would prefer, or to share something that I really want to keep for myself, or to lay aside my preferences in favor of whatever God might call me to in that moment.

I’ve never been able to shake the story of two Christian martyrs from the second century who stood before the magistrate and professed Christ. The first man was asked, “Are you a Christian?” and when the man proclaimed his faith in Jesus he was taken a few feet away to have his skin ripped from his body. Then he was tied to a stake and as they made ready to burn him alive the magistrate turned to the second man and asked him, “And are you also a Christian?”

I put myself in the sandals of that second man and I wonder if I could answer, “Yes, I am a Christian” as he did. Perhaps if the penalty was having my head cut off or being quickly put to death, I could more easily affirm my faith in Christ. But to face such brutal torture, I’m not sure if I could do it. I’m not sure I have that kind of faith.

The other day as I was contemplating this very question I heard this sentence in my head saying, "the only way I will ever enter the Kingdom of God is if my flesh is stripped from me”. I know that this is true. One layer at a time, one day at a time, my flesh needs to die. Without this daily death I cannot follow Jesus. Without my cross there can be no crown.

Conversatio Morem!


-kg

IT'S YOUR FUNERAL

There's something amazing that happens to me whenever I attend a funeral. As friends and family members step up to the microphone and share their fondest memories of the departed, I can't help but wonder who will stand up at my funeral, and what will they say about me when I'm gone?

I know what I'd like them to say. I'd hope that my best friends would tell stories of how I've encouraged them or about a time when I helped them in a time of need. I'd hope that my wife would share about how thoughtful a husband I was. I'd love to think my sons would stand and share about how something I taught them about life, or about character, or about integrity had stuck with them through the years and allowed them to grow as individuals. I'd love to think that the crowd would be full of people who were inspired by my writing or my books, or who were touched or blessed in some way by my acts of service or compassion.

I'd love to think that, on the day they put me into the dirt, there will be a church somewhere filled with people who were blessed and touched and inspired by my life.

But the question, of course, is will there really be anyone eager to say these things about me?

I recently watched a little-known film called "The Lookout" which I really enjoyed. In the film, the main character is a young man who made a mistake on his graduation night that took the lives of his best friends and left him with a severe brain disorder. In the film he struggles to remember simple instructions due to his brain damage. He has trouble with completing things in sequence.

There's a scene in the film where one of his friends gives him some advice on how to accomplish a simple task. He says, "Start at the end and work backwards from there." When he tries it he discovers that it works, and this becomes a great metaphor in the film for how all of us can cope with our struggles.

I think of that statement now as I ponder what my funeral will look like. I have a picture in my head of what I'd hope that day to look like and how I'd love for things to play out as friends and family gather to remember my life.

The best way for me to insure that my vision of that day comes to fruition is to start at the end and work backwards from there. It means I need to live my life today in a consistent and intentional way. If I want my wife to speak glowingly of my thoughtfulness at my funeral, it means I need to be sure to be thoughtful to her today. If I want my sons to tell stories about how I inspired them to be better men of God at my memorial service, it means I have to inspire them today to be better men of God.

What do you hope your friends and family will say of you on that day? Maybe we need to consider this as we live out our daily lives. Maybe we should start at the end and work backwards from there?

It's your funeral.

-kg
**
Originally published on the [Subversive Underground] in 2008.

FINDERS WEEPERS, LOSERS KEEPERS

In the Kingdom of God, things are upside down from the world we were born into. Those who lay down their lives discover new life. The first are last. Those who humble themselves are exalted. The greatest is the servant of all. Those who die to themselves daily discover life eternal.

But what is actually "upside down" is this world, not the Kingdom of God. God's reality is the rightside up one. Ours is the one that needs to be corrected, not God's.

Having been born into this upside down reality on Planet Earth, I am constantly struggling to see things from the perspective of God's Kingdom. It's not an easy thing to do.

For years I have wrestled with my own prideful heart. Perhaps I never had a fair chance at this since I was an only child and my entire life I've been the center of my own universe. At any rate, the fact remains that, no matter how many times I die to myself, this heart of pride just will not stay dead.

I lay back on the cross. I drive the nails. I roll the stone over the door. But my sinful, selfish heart continually rises from the dead.

I die daily. But my heart of flesh daily lives and breathes.

After all these years I turn around to see how far I've come on this journey of faith and instead I see that I have barely left the gate. In fact, I wonder if I have moved forward at all because I seem to be in the exact same place I have always been.

My heart is deceitfully wicked. I cannot trust my own inner man. Even when I believe I am serving others and living for Jesus my flesh has the power to reach out and subtly turn the spotlight back on my own ego.

Like the Pharisee, I confess that I have done my works of righteousness before men to be seen by them and celebrated. Of course, most of this is done subconsciously, but when I take the time to examine my motives closely I have to admit, there is still a part of me that does things so that people will see it and take note.

Last week, the Lord Jesus, in His mercy, held up the mirror to my soul again. He allowed me the briefest glimpse at my own selfish heart and it crushed me.

To my own eyes it appears as a dark, cancerous ooze in my soul. I cannot look directly at it very long without feeling sick. Yet, as much as I hate to admit it, this is me. This is who I am without Jesus.

For a long time now, I have mistakenly considered this prideful, selfish behavior as being like a Pharisee. Yet, now I realize that this is actually just part of being a human being.

It's my humanity that makes me selfish, and sinful, and hopelessly pathetic, not my "Pharisee-ness" (whatever that might be).

So, today I am trying my best to take everything one step at a time. I realize, once again, what it really means to have a "constant conversion" and to put to death my own status quo (Conversatio Morem!).

One great thing about all of this is that it reminds me to depend upon Jesus for everything. To the degree that I am in touch with my humanity, my weakness, my failure, I can appreciate the wonder and the majesty of God's amazing love and grace.

He is the vine. I am one of the tiny branches. Without Him, I can do nothing. Nothing at all.

"And now I know the secret that only losers keep, and I wallow in the hopeful tears that every finder weeps."
-kg

Brennan Manning on American Christian Culture

"If Christian men and women are to live the gospel today in our
post-industrial American culture, if we are to be in the world and not of
the world, then we must be willing to assume personal responsibility for the
ways in which our faith has been accommodated to possessiveness, pleasure,
and domination. And we must be willing to repent, reform, and be renewed."

"The church is the living extension of Jesus Christ in time and space. It is
countercurrent to the drift into cultural idolatry. The church in American
society today is, of necessity, a community of resistance to the gods of
modern life, i.e. nuclear stockpiling, money, ego, sexual muscle, racism, pride
of place."

"We are the pilgrim people of God with no lasting city here on
earth, a community of free men and women whose freedom is not limited by the
frontiers of a world that is itself in chains."

"Let us be bold enough to ask ourselves, as Christians, whether the church of
the Lord Jesus in the United States has anything to say to our nation and
its ideologies of materialism, possessiveness, and the worship of financial
security. Are we courageous enough to be a sign of contradiction to
consumerism through our living faith in Jesus Christ? Are we committed
enough to his gospel to become a counter-current to the drift? Or have we so
accommodated the faith of our fathers to consumption that the question of
simplicity of life, sharing of resources, and radical dependence on God's
providence no longer seem relevant? How do we build the kingdom of God on
earth if what we incarnate in our lives is the dogma of our culture rather
than the revelation of Jesus?" - Brennan Manning

--Still grappling with how to surrender my whole life to Christ and live as a stranger in this place.

Confessions of a Selfish Mind

There are nights when I look into the bathroom mirror, really look, deep into my own eyes, confessing truths to myself that never come through my lips or over my tongue.

I am weak. I am powerless. I am completely unable to love as I know I am called to love. My selfishness consumes me. My pride, like gravity, pulls me to the ground and holds my feet to the cold, hard earth. I am unable to fly.

Deeper still, I admit my inconsistencies. I desire to be great in the eyes of men, and yet I know that true greatness is found at the feet of men, washing in humility.

I have a spiritual gift to teach others, but I fear the celebrity associated with the title of "teacher" and so I sit silently. I bite my tongue.

In my pride I secretly hope that one day I might be recognized for my expertise asked to speak at large conferences and join the spiritual giants on the big stage, and yet at the same time I loathe the empty hype of events and the vanity of religious experts.

I am torn. But not yet in two.

So, now, God has asked me to allow His Holy Spirit to probe into my dark, sinful heart. The Great Physician has me on the table, the gleaming scalpel in his hand, and He is asking me to lay back and relax and trust Him as the surgery begins.

Oh how I need this circumcision of the heart. Oh, how I need to be made more like Him.

To do only what I see the Father doing is to love others, because that is what He is doing every moment of every day. Yet, I realize that I am powerless to love. Love is not my native tongue. Selfishness chokes on my best intentions. Only Jesus can make me like Himself. There is no good in me. None.

So, I lay back. I close my eyes. I whisper a prayer that God's hand would move swiftly and cut deeply and remove the rotten, infectious flesh from my heart.

I have tried to make these cuts myself, but my hands are not steady enough. My sympathy for my own comfort restrains my ability to fully complete the surgery. So, I nip here and tuck there. I choose a careful section of flesh and slice around the sensitive nerves where pride and selfishness thrive. I hold up the small tumor and wave it like a trophy. Look at what I have learned to live without. Look how I am willing to sacrifice.

But I know it is a lie. Better still, God knows it too. And when I look into those eyes in the silent mirror I cannot pretend any longer.

Only God can make these necessary incisions. Only the One who loves me more than He loves His own life can find the place where I hide my selfish dreams and drive home the knife and cut away the infected flesh and remove every last ounce of pride from my heart.

Only God can heal the wounds, sew me together, wipe my tears away and kiss me where it hurts.

Let it begin.
-kg

"Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar" - U2, "Magnificent"

"...circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code." - Romans 2:29