I met him when I was nine years old in Eagle Pass, Texas. I was always curious about God and so when I finally found out His name was Jesus and that He loved me I couldn’t wait to trust Him.
At first I just loved singing about him and reading about him. I read through the Bible before I was twelve years old just to learn all I could about Jesus.
Sometimes I got so excited about sharing Him with others that I got into trouble and I had to learn to allow some people the choice not to trust Jesus the way I did.
I used to talk to Jesus every night before I went to bed as a young boy. He was my closest friend in the world because I was an only child and our family moved around a lot so Jesus was the most consistent person in my life.
When I became a teenager Jesus and I lost touch with each other a little. I suddenly found myself with a lot of friends that I wanted to impress and so I used to leave him at home. I even used to pretend that I didn’t know Jesus whenever other people were around.
When I was a junior in High School Jesus and I had a really big fight. I met this girl and I really thought that she was the love of my life. When that didn’t work out the way I hoped it would, I told Jesus to leave me alone and for a whole year I ignored Jesus. I didn’t talk to him. I didn’t ask him for help. I didn’t read about him. I tried to hurt Jesus because he didn’t give me what I wanted.
It was during that time that I think Jesus was closer to me than ever before. I didn’t know it at the time, but later on when I look back at that time in my life I can see that Jesus was silently protecting me from danger, helping me out of difficult situations and loving me in spite of my determination to give him the silent treatment.
Eventually, I forgave Jesus and I realized that I was the one who really needed to ask Jesus to forgive me for being such an idiot. He did. In fact, he acted as if nothing had changed between us. He just kept on being my friend. He just kept on loving me.
In college I started taking trips with Jesus and I spent more time listening to Him and learning how much bigger he was than I ever imagined before. I was so glad to find out that he still loved me, even after the way I had treated him in high school. Jesus was still my best friend and he continued to love me in spite of all the stupid things I did.
The more I got to know Jesus the more I felt the need to know him even more. I wanted to be with Jesus forever. I wanted Jesus to speak to me and I soon I learned to hear his voice.
I used to spend hours talking to Jesus about everything. He was my best friend. He always listened, and He always helped me figure out what to do in hard times. Over time I began to learn that the old song, “Jesus Loves Me This I Know” was really true, and not just because the Bible told me so, but because I was really experiencing the love of Jesus every single day of my life.
One day I figured out that Jesus wanted me to give him my whole life. He wanted all of me. Not just my left over time. Not just to be my helper when I needed something. Jesus wanted all of me, all of the time.
At first that scared me because I thought that Jesus might take away all the other things in my life that I thought I needed. But eventually I realized that Jesus loved me even more than I loved him. He only wanted what was best for me. I also began to realize that, deep in my heart, what I really wanted more than anything was to have all of Him too. So, it was a fair trade. I gave Jesus all of me – my weak, pathetic, empty self – and I got all of Jesus in exchange – His magnificent, amazing, fabulous, glorious, infinite majestic SELF.
Surprisingly, Jesus didn’t seem to mind that I had gotten the better end of that deal. I even tried to tell him about it but he didn’t seem to care. He was just thrilled to have all of me and to give all of himself to me.
Of course, over time I began to notice that I hadn’t really given all of myself to Jesus. I meant to. I thought I did. But sometimes Jesus would ask me for something and I’d pretend I didn’t hear Him, or I would just refuse to let him have it. Eventually, I usually end up giving in and letting him have whatever it is that he wants from me. One day I hope to really surrender everything to him because I'm starting to realize that, in order to have more of him, I need to give him more of myself.
One time Jesus went to visit my Dad when he had broken his neck in three places and it looked like he might be paralyzed for life. Jesus healed him and today my Dad is totally healed. Jesus did that.
Sometimes I can’t see the way and He shows me where to go. Sometimes I feel alone and he wraps his arms around me. Sometimes I need to help someone and I have no idea what to do or to say and Jesus steps in and he gives me the words, or he shows me what to do and it works out great.
Another time, my friend Mary Anne got brain cancer and we asked Jesus to heal her. She told us that, instead of healing her cancer, Jesus used the cancer to heal her family. Jesus brought her son, her daughter, her sisters and her brother back together after years of unforgiveness and she told me that she was glad that Jesus did that. Today Mary Anne is with Jesus and she’s much happier now than she ever was before.
Most recently, I got to share Jesus with my friend Robert Higgins. He was 77 years old, living by himself in this motel in Santa Ana, and he also had cancer. I got to see Jesus change his heart. I saw Jesus bring his son back to Robert. I saw Jesus shout his love for Robert from some very unexpected places and people.
Jesus and I both loved Robert very much, and I believe that Robert and Jesus are together right now and they’re waiting for us all to get home.
Even though I've been following Jesus for over 30 years now, I always find something new and amazing about Him. He's my best friend. He's the Creator of the Universe. And, for some reason, even though he knows everything about me, he still loves me like crazy.
-kg
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