FROM THE VAULTS

FROM THE VAULTS

*NOTE: This article is available on my blog at the link below. It originally appeared a few years ago in GQ Magazine and was written by Walter Kirn, who willingly spent several days immersed in the Christian Bubble (or Sub-Culture) which he calls "The Ark". Great insights. Cutting commentary.
Enjoy!
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"What Would Jesus Do?" by Walter Kirn
(Originally Published in GQ Magazine)
http://subversive1.blogspot.com/2005/01/what-would-jesus-do-by-walter-kirn.html

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?BUT MORE, IMPORTANT, WHAT WERE JESUS' FITNESS SECRETS? IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE GROWING MILLIONS OF AMERICANS LIVING IN THE MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR CHRISTIAN ALTERNACULTURE
—IN WHICH EVERYTHING IN MAINSTREAM CULTURE GETS CLONED AND THEN
BLEACHED OF "SINFUL" CONTENT—YOU'D KNOW. WALTER KIRN SPENDS
SEVEN STRANGE DAYS WALKING IN THE SHOES OF THE FAITHFUL.

DAY ONE: RESOLUTlONS
Today I will pray for Jewel, the singer-songwriter, "that Jewel's artistry in music and poetry will draw her audience into an encounter with truth." Tomorrow I'11 pray for Paul Allen, the
Microsoft billionaire, "that Allen and others working on the leading edge of interactive media will pursue their objectives with integrity." And later this week, in the manner and order prescribed by Praying for the Worlds 365 Most Influential People: 5 Minutes a Day to Change Your World, I will pray for Michael Crichton, the author/producer; for Jesse Helms, the North Carolina senator; and for Bill Nye, who hosts TV's Bill Nye the Science
Guy.

Today I will start reading Desecration, the ninth installment of the Left Behind series, a best-selling fictional treatment of the Apocalypse that pits the heroic Rayford Steele ("original member of the Tribulation Force3 against the cloven-hoofed Nicolae Carpathia ("self-appointed Global Community potentate3. Today I will dine on foods from What Would Jesus Eat? by Don Colbert, M.D., heeding Dr. Colbert's solemn warning that "eating a diet
high in salt, low in fiber, very high in fat and sugar, and virtually void of nutrients is not the way Jesus ate. Today I will ask my daughter, Maisie, 3, to pick out a video from the Bibleman
series, a live-action superhero saga for kids directed by and featuring Willie Aames of Eight Is Enough and Charles in Charge fame.

Today I will plug in my TVGuardian, a handy electronic chaperone whose "patent pending, award winning technology" filters out "95% to 100% of foul language from TV shows" and replaces objectionable phrases like She's such a #%&#h! and Oh &#!t! with She's such a
nag! and Oh crud!

Today I will leave behind the fallen world of secular American pop culture and enter the self-contained parallel universe of American Christian pop culture, within which I've vowed to dwell, exclusively, for seven days and nights, watching PAX instead of NBC and letting Pat Robertson be my Tom Brokaw. But first, before I do any of these things, I will read from my new prayer book and ask God "to bless Jewel with safety, meaningful relationships" and, of course, "success."

DAY TWO: ADJUSTMENT
I wake aboard the Ark....

MORE IN THE LINK:
http://subversive1.blogspot.com/2005/01/what-would-jesus-do-by-walter-kirn.html