GREATNESS?

*Note: This post originally published as part of the [Subversive Underground] e-newsletter.

GREATNESS?

My greatest fear is that I will never be a great man, that I will always be less than average...the lowest, the least of God's shining stars.

After nine months I still have no clue what to do with my life. I look in the mirror at night and I wonder if I'll die a failure.

Will I ever publish a book? Would that make me great? Will I ever find a full-time job that pays well, with insurance for my wife and children? Would that make me a great person?

Will I ever be famous or successful or honored among my peers?

Would any of those things make me a great man?

What is greatness? I'm sure someone somewhere has written a poem or a speech about it. I should google it sometime. Is that what a great man would do?

Why do I struggle with these questions at all? Why do I care so much about things like success or popularity? I don't know. I just know I can't find a job. I can't be the husband and the father...the provider I want to be.

I don't know what would make me great, but I do know one thing. I am not great. I am less than average. I am only me.

The ironic thing is that I'm currently writing a book about the hidden wisdom in the Gospel of the Kingdom regarding the power of weakness.

The truth is, sometimes it's hard to believe the words in my own book. It's hard to believe that God has a plan to make me more like Jesus and that the path to that involves enduring a measure of pain, of weakness, of humility, in order to discover the power of Christ.

What I'm learning now is that there is a very big difference between knowing something is true because you've read it in a book, and knowing something is true because you've lived it.

As I learn to daily die to myself, I'm discovering that God is really in complete control. He has everything where he wants it to be, including me.

Yesterday I read a wonderful quote from the book "Let Go" by Fenelon. It read:

"It is in weakness that we can admit our mistakes and correct ourselves while confessing them. It is in weakness that our minds are open to enlightment from others. It is in weakness that we are authoritative in nothing, and say the most clear-cut things with simplicity and consideration of others. In weakness we do not object to being criticized and we easily submit to censure. At the same time we criticize no one without absolute necessity. We give advice only to those who desire it, and even then we speak with love and without being dogmatic."

Maybe I am not great. I freely admit I don't even really know what the word means. I do know that most of what I would expect to help make me great will really only make me shallow and self-absorbed.

God's plan for my life is to make me like Jesus. The character of Christ is one who came to serve and not to be served. Jesus was the leader who got on his knees and washed his follower's feet. He was the one who suffered and died under the hand of unjust punishment without striking back. He even forgave those who were in the act of torturing him to death.

The path to greatness is not the same as the path of Jesus. The way of the cross is the only way to follow him. He said so himself.

His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts.

This is why Jesus calls us to "Repent" in order to enter the Kingdom of God. Because "Repent" literally means to "think again". It involves re-thinking our lives and re-defining the things we value most.

I am not great. I am just me. And the real problem begins there.

The real miracle is that, someday, somehow, God's plan is to take someone like me and make me into the image of his Son.

So, every day I have to wake up and take up my cross and submit my life to Christ. There is no other way.

"If anyone would be the greatest, he must be the very least and the servant of all"- Jesus (Mark 9:35)

-kg

PATTERN RECOGNITION: Re-Post

PATTERN RECOGNITION

"Pattern Recognition" by William Gibson, is a sci-fi set in 2003, which only underscores the fact that we are living in the future today. It's really not a sci-fi, although Gibson is immortalized for writing "Neuromancer" which predated the Internet and, if you read it today for the first time, you would think he ripped off "The Matrix"...until you looked at the publication date and realized that he wrote his book a good ten years before Keanu ever said "Whoa".

It's funny to me how a good book, in this case a great book, can influence your way of seeing the world and moving through space. The book's protaganist has a gift for sensing "Cool". She is hyper-sensitive to marketing and is psychologically offended by logos and advertising, which is why she can sense the "next big thing" before it crests the horizon. Her sensitivity to brands and iconographic advertising has made me more aware of how enslaved we all are to marketing. Branding is pervasive. You cannot stand anywhere without being marketed to. You cannot wear anything without being told, on the outside as well as on the tag, who made it and that it is "Cool" to have one.

The character in this book is so oversensitized to logos that she clips the tags and removes the logo from her clothing, her glasses, her watch, her shoes, her computer, etc. It almost made me want to do the same.

It approaches something called by Richard Foster, "The Discipline of Simplicity". I believe there is an inherent human desire for simplicity, and yet at the same time a hunger for something beyond ourselves. Marketers (and I am one of them) take advantage of the human desire for something beyond ourselves and twist that into a desire for a product that will fill that emptiness. This is why television commercials and glossy magazine ads suggest, or even overtly declare, that owning or using the product in question will make you popular, or fulfilled, or beautiful, or complete in some way that you are now aware that you are not.

It's easy to say that one desire is of the flesh and one desire of the Spirit. I know I've talked that way in the past myself, but now I think this is wrong. I believe that the desire for simplicity is a desire of the soul, and the desire for something beyond ourselves is also a desire of the human soul. Both are "of the Spirit" or Spiritual desires because this is what makes all of us Human.

Marketing plays one of these desires against the other. We are told we can fill our empty places with stuff, and so we try to do that, while at the same time our desire for simplicity disappears beneath a mound of receipts and boxes of junk in our garage.

There is a point, and I believe it is early on, when the things we own begin to own us. Once this happens, we are hooked and we continuously create mental shopping lists of things that we want or need or desire. I do this. You do this.

What if we could silence the coarse whisper for "more"? What if we could close our eyes and strain to hear that faint echo for "Less" instead?

A friend of mine used to regularly "De-Accumulate" his life. He would come to work with a box of goodies he had decided he no longer needed and start passing them out as gifts for his co-workers. I have a lot of cool stuff in my garage that I inherited from him this way.

I think the concept of "De-Accumulation" is a good one, but maybe we could modify it a bit? Maybe we could find people who really need what we don't need? Maybe no one really needs our junk? Maybe we could stop buying and start sharing?

These thoughts have lingered on the fringes of my brain for years now. When we moved into this house about a year and a half ago, as I was moving box after box of my junk into a storage unit, I found myself apologizing for the obscene amount of garbage I had acquired. My friends all told me to stop apologizing.

I remember taking a sweep of the orange and white storage farm we were in the middle of and realizing that, in our society, we all own so much junk we have to pay someone to keep it for us in the event that we ever need it. There is a multi-billion dollar industry built around the American acquisition sensibility. Do they have these things in India or Africa, I wondered? Probably a few, I thought, but I'm sure we Americans have more, as usual.

How has the shopping mall replaced the cathedral? How have we allowed the pursuit of happiness to become an endless hunt for more objects and gadgets and trinkets and adornment? Maybe it was when the Church started entertaining us? Maybe it was when we realized that people would buy products created just for Christians? I'm not sure of the timeline, but I do know that we are now living in a Pop Christian Consumerist Culture and I want off the merry-go-round.

Maybe I'm recognizing a pattern too? Maybe the character in Gibson's book is helping me to see something that's been there all along?

Either way, it's worth exploring.

Time for my second cup of coffee.

Peace,
kg
**Orignally posted August, 2007