Showing posts with label TONGUE IN CHEEK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TONGUE IN CHEEK. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

NOW HIRING: NEW PASTORS



Our house church is currently interviewing potential new candidates for assistant pastor. Here’s what we’re looking for:

Duties:

Responsible for loving and serving everyone else in the Body. Applicants should be willing to listen more than they talk. In fact, talking is almost completely unnecessary. Please observe our strict “no preaching” policy. Teaching is nice, but we ask that you do your best to make it conversational and please leave plenty of room for disagreements, questions, and the occasional rebuttal.

Must be willing to love people, regardless of how messed up they appear to be. No preferred parking spaces are available. First come, first served only.

Must also be willing to submit to our Senior Pastor. He is never wrong and should never be questioned or challenged in any way, at any time. He’s the Son of God, after all, so that shouldn’t be too difficult if you love Him like we do, and if also you’ve made a decision to follow Him the rest of your life.

Must support the Senior Pastor in the accomplishment of the church’s mission by NOT engaging in decision-making, advance planning or overall direction of other church members.

Must ensure the operational readiness of the church by constantly refraining from any sort of leadership or oversight of the Church and shall not in any way interfere with the practice of the “one-anothers” as clearly outlined in the New Testament scriptures.

Must constantly avoid creating any sort of key objectives, tactics; or an establishment of long-term growth goals.

Must never speak of any sort of church building program, including capital fund raising campaigns, master planning, design and architecture, contractor selection, or construction of a physical building.

Compensation:

Like everyone else on our “pastoral team,” applicant will agree that they “would rather die” than to receive money for preaching the Gospel or for teaching our brothers and sisters in Christ, whom we love. (1 Cor. 9:14-16)

This means that all our pastors are given an equal share of whatever food is available at every potluck gathering (either breakfast on Sunday mornings or dinner on Thursday evenings). Prayers are offered continually and double honor is extended at all times.

Like Peter wrote so eloquently: “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve.” (1 Peter 5:2)

 
Education and Experience

This position requires no experience as a senior leader in a corporate business environment or as a pastor. Possession of a Bachelor’s Degree in Business, Technology, or other related field is nice, but not required, or particularly desired. Master’s work in Biblical studies will not be held against you. The successful individual must have a proven track record of putting others first and not promoting himself or herself above the needs of others.

Interested parties can submit their resumes by email or in person.

-kg