Love and Sacrifice

I awoke this morning with a fragment of a dream in my head. I got up and went into our den. It was around 3:30 a.m. or so.

I knelt down in front of our sofa and started to pray about what I had seen and it began to unfold for me.

Whether it was a dream, or a vision, or just an idea that was playing itself out in my head visually, I'm not sure, but this is what I saw:

I walked into a convenience store. It was night time. There was a man standing in the middle of the store with a mask over his head. He was holding a gun and pointing it at the store clerk.

When the man with the gun saw me walk in, he turned and pointed the gun at my head. He pressed the barrel to my forehead. I heard him cock the hammer on the weapon with his thumb. It made a loud "click".

Then the man spoke to me these words: "Give me the password to your blog our I'll kill you."

My reaction was about the same as yours: Huh?

But the more I meditated on this the more I understood what it was all about.

I have seen it happen more than once in my lifetime. There are some who get a taste of fame and develop a large following on their blog, or through their podcast, and they start to neglect their family - their wife, their children - in favor of nurturing that "ministry."

It can be very difficult to realize that you're sacrificing your family for your own selfish ego, especially if you couple all of that with a "brand new revelation from God" that you - and you alone - seem to have a finger on.

Honestly, I have known many people who are willing to sacrifice their marriage for their fanbase.

Oh, trust me, they would never put it in those words. Never.

But they would say that their wife just doesn't see the vision, or that the Enemy is attacking them because they alone can see the Truth, or something along those lines.

Let me say, here and now: My wife is more important to me than my blog. I would never allow my podcast, or my pursuit of more "likes" and "shares" and "comments" to overshadow my family, or my marriage.

At least, I sincerely hope I wouldn't.

Honestly, I can understand how this happens. Last year I wrote a blog post about the "Blood Moon Hoax". On a normal blog post I may get a few hundred hits in a week or two. But in that case I got about 10,000 hits - in a single week.

So, what did I do? I wrote another post about the End Times. Why? Because, obviously, this was a topic that a LOT of people were interested in.

Then, I did a podcast about it. And then I did another blog post about the book of Revelation.

Why did I do all of that? Because I got addicted to all those crazy hits, and "likes" and "follows".

But then I realized that writing about those topics isn't what God had called me to do. It had become all about pleasing an audience rather than writing what was really at the core of my own personal calling and convictions.

So, I can understand how sometimes people can get blinded by all of that and lose perspective.

If people were sending me thousands of dollars to support my ministry, and flying me around the country to speak at their conferences or church events, and cheering me on via social media and singing my praises, that would be pretty intoxicating.

And then if Wendy didn't "get it" or wanted me to stay home and spend more time with the family, I could understand how it might be easy to write her reaction off as "the Enemy's tactics" or just dismiss her lack of enthusiasm as a lack of faith.

Of course, none of that is happening to me right now. And I pray that if it ever does I am wise enough, and humble enough, to lay it all down and walk away.

I have also seen Pastors, and Evangelists, and Prophets, and Teachers neglect their children, and their marriages, for the sake of the Ministry. They see it as some great sacrifice that God requires of them because of their special calling. They consider it to be some sort of Abraham and Isaac scenario where God is testing their love and commitment to Himself by requiring them to place their family and their marriage on the back burner.

It's a lie.

God does not require us to neglect our family in order to serve Him. He does not expect us to spend hours with total strangers while we starve our own children of love and our own wives of our affection.

Our families are not a distraction from our ministry. They are a huge part of our ministry. This is why Paul says that those who cannot take care of their own households should not be considered for ministry within the Body.

Our ministry starts at home. If I can't love my wife and my children as Jesus loves the Church (and gave Himself up for it), then how can I love anyone else?

So, for the record:

This blog is not more important to me than my wife.

My podcast is not more important to me than my family.

My internet fame (such as it is) is not worth more to me than my own sons.

I would lay it all down, give it all up, in a heartbeat, to save my marriage and salvage my family.

A wise man once told me, "If the ministry won't survive without you, then it's not God's ministry, it's yours."

God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. I chose grace over pride.

Anyone willing to sacrifice their wife, or their family, for their ministry is choosing pride.

Can their fall from grace be very far behind?


-kg

Family Death

My Mom’s oldest sister, Shirley, died last week.

I have never had any real connection to my extended family. Beyond my own Mother and Father, I only know my aunts and uncles and cousins from a distance, like familiar acquaintances who smile and make small talk over dinner every few years.

When I was still in First Grade my parents moved away from their own families in Tennessee and set their eyes towards South Texas. This is where I grew up. This is where my identity was shaped and my character was formed. I’ve actually thanked God for taking my family out of the environment I had been born into and transplanting me into a more modern world where race wasn’t an indicator of value and fear wasn’t a commodity.

Most of my childhood friends and several of my cousins who remained behind and grew up in that place are very different from me. I do believe that had I remained in the small Tennessee town where I was born I would have had a radically different life. I’m thankful to have left and to have had the life I’ve had so far.

Still, last night, laying with my head on the pillow, in the glow of an almost-full moon, I couldn’t help but wonder about the extensive family I left behind in Tennessee. They are the family I will never belong to. They are the flesh and blood that will never know me, and I will never know them—not as well as they know one another.

My parents were the city folk who left town and never looked back. We were the ones who would come back once ever few years for summer vacation or occasional family reunions, but as such we were visitors, tourists, in a place each of them called “home” and I knew only as a touchstone of childhood.

Today, as I consider the death of my Mother’s oldest sister, I am nursing an un-named ache deep within my chest. I have lost something I cannot name, but the more I contemplate this loss the more I know for certain that this loss is forever buried under an avalanche of years that I can never unearth or resurrect.

I am mourning the loss of a family that I was never fully embraced into to begin with. My yearning is for a place of acceptance among a people with whom I share a lineage and a legacy, but nothing more. We have no shared life, no shared memories, no deep connections beyond memories held like dreams in old photographs yellowed and fading in the sunlight.

Can I confess that I regret never growing old with those people? Can I admit that I wish with all my heart that I could have belonged to those people and that they could have known me and loved me as deeply as I now long to be loved and known?

My family, beyond my own parents, are like strangers to me. They do not know me. They have less awareness of me than the hundreds of Facebook friends who read my articles and respond to my status updates or make comments on my blog.

I am saddened to realize that these people will, one by one, all pass away from this life and remain strangers to me. My children will grow old and get married and have children and none of them will ever know or care. I will breathe my own last breath one day, and none of them will travel the hundreds of miles necessary to stand at my graveside or lay a comforting hand on the shoulders of my wife or children. This is my family. This is the tribe I will never know. This is the lost side of my soul that I can never excavate or replace.

Until today I didn’t realize just how much I needed them. Until today I didn’t know how much this missing piece of me mattered. But now I do. I realize these things too late. I understand the power of family when it’s of no use to me.

So, today as I say goodbye to Shirley Ferrell Wyatt, I mourn the family that I never knew. I pray for her son and her daughter who remain in my memory as elementary-aged children running barefoot on the Tennessee grass. I pray for the sisters who grieve their loss. I pray for the cousins who let go of their dear Aunt. I ask God to comfort them in their sadness, and I am grateful that they have one another to shoulder the burden during this time of regret. For that I am thankful. For that I give thanks.

Peace,
Keith

EL PASO CHRISTMAS

Our family is in El Paso visiting my parents for Christmas. Already we've run into several old friends in unexpected places and catching up with other friends we've not seen in years.

I find myself scanning the crowd in every restaurant and grocery story looking for familiar faces. It's weird.

Looking forward to Christmas day tomorrow, although I've already had my best Christmas (see post over at www.MissionHouseChurch.com)

On Friday we're having a reunion with some of our dear college friends and today and tonight I'll be hanging with other friends for coffee, etc.

Hope all of you have a great Christmas celebration and that the New Year is full of blessing.

Peas (on Earth),
-kg

RITE OF PASSAGE

Last Saturday morning I drove my oldest son out to Oak Canyon Nature Center in Anaheim Hills. It was the day after his 13th birthday.

We walked together across the parking lot and I let him walk alone down the main trail into the woods. After a few feet his Aunt Felicia met him and walked alongside him, encouraging him and reminding him what a special young man he is. Then she stopped at the bridge and let him walk on further alone.

A few feet down the trail another friend, Scott Laumann, stepped out and walked with Dylan along the trail. They stopped and watched the colors in the morning sky for a while and Scott gave him advice on being responsible, seeking God and hearing His voice.

When they were done Dylan walked alone down the path a bit more until Jacob Wright met him along the trail. Jacob is just 15. Dylan looks up to him quite a bit. It was only a few years ago that Dylan had been part of Jacob's 13th birthday celebration. Now Jacob was sharing with Dylan what he had learned about becoming a young man after God's heart.

After their talk Dylan walked on and met Jacob's father, Jason, who talked to him about about how most of what we learn is from walking with God through difficult circumstances.

Dylan went on down the trail and was met by his Aunt Tina and his Grandmother, and finally, at the end of the trail, by his Grandfather Gerald. They turned and walked all the way back out of the woods together as Dylan listened intently.

When they reached the beginning of the trail Dylan's family was there waiting for him and together we drove home.

That afternoon we presented Dylan with a sword - a leather-bound, NIV Study Bible with his name engraved in gold leaf on the cover.

Our house church family, and a few friends were there to encourage him further, lay hands on him and bless him as he took his first tentative steps into manhood.

God bless you, my son.

Love,
Dad

The More People You Reach The More Likely It Is That You're Reaching The Wrong People

Who vs. how many.
*from Seth Godin's blog today

**
Seth Godin is one of my morning ritual blog reads each day. His insights into guerilla marketing, the cult of advertising, the change in the wind, and uncommon sense keep me grounded and help me realize that much of what I have suspected about our society, our christian sub-culture and our churches is evidenced in the very fabric of our society as a whole.

In short, the Church has become "of the world but not in it". As Christians we are more a product of our culture than agents of change within this culture.

Seth's quote today underscores the problem we've adopted from taking our cues from Big Business leaders rather than from our founder (Jesus).

Jesus is always attracting a crowd and then doing all he can to either thin the crowd or to escape them and find real followers in another town.

Jesus wants followers, not spectators. Jesus wants disciples, not believers. Jesus wants people who will put his words into practice, not people who will memorize those words and repeat them behind closed doors to others who already know the message.

Christian leaders in the 20th, and now the 21st, Century were enamored by the "Bigger is Better" approach to ministry. Putting more butts in the seats equated with success. Growth became the new Holy Grail of ministers across the fruited plane, and the size of your congregation became the new yardstick of a healthy church.

As our focus turned to attracting crowds we soon learned to identify the myriad challenges associated with putting butts into our seats. Eventually we surrendered our pulpits to a Gospel of positive thinking and reduced the dangerous words of Jesus to self-help rhetoric for improving your lifestyle and personal happiness.

As our Churches focused on getting more, our people began to pick up on the message and began to pursue getting more too. Soon televangelists emerged to offer up what our itching ears wanted to hear about how Jesus wants us to be rich and have all we want because we are, after all, "King's Kids".

What gives me hope these days is the fact that twenty or thirty individuals have emerged from the shadows over the last few years to email me and share with me their unrest at this State of the Modern Church in America. They have walked away from the private club mentality of Traditional Church and embraced a pioneer calling to go outside the four walls of Christendom and discover that being the Church is far more important than attending one.

You don't know their names. You won't find their books at the local Christian Bookstore. They will never grow famous and the churches they've planted will never advertise on Christian Radio or on the local billboards near the freeway. Yet in the Spirit, these unknown followers of Jesus are slowly being joined by hundreds and hundreds of others around this Nation, yes even around the World, as the Holy Spirit begins to call them out of the "Pattern of Church" and into the freedom of "Being Church" with others in their living rooms, in parks, in coffee shops, in lunch rooms, and anywhere God calls them to live out the Gospel...which is everywhere.

Jesus wasn't interested in the large crowd, he was always interested in the one person who the crowd pushed aside. He sought out the woman with the issue of blood. He singled out Zacheus and escaped the crowd by joining him for dinner in his home. Jesus gave us a fine example to follow, and the Disciples followed through when they planted hundreds of simple, house churches across Jerusalem, Judea, Corinth and beyond.

The early church grew one person, one family, at a time. They valued each person for who they were. They ate together. They shared everything with one another. The loved one another. Growth wasn't their goal, it was love. And yet, growth was the natural by-product of this love and simple obedience.

For 300 years the Church practiced being family throughout the known world. In spite of persecution, secret meetings, lack of evangelistic crusades, absence of witnessing tracts and zero marketing the early church grew from 25,000 in AD 100 to about 20,000,000 by AD 310.

While our Churches have focused on becoming Bigger over the last several years, they've ironically become more empty at the same time. In a crowd of hundreds of worshippers, many are feeling isolated, ignored and forgotten.

We've grown larger Churches where many feel anonymous and lonely. We call ourselves a family but no one knows our name. We call each other "Brother" and "Sister" in Christ, but we have no one to share our pain with.

Last Sunday our house church, "The Mission", celebrated our two year anniversary. If I've learned anything over the last two years it's that everyone matters. The definition of "Church" is simply the people of God plus the Holy Spirit and time to listen to one another and share all that we have.

Let's go and "Be the Church" now. However you meet. Wherever you gather. Let us not forsake the calling we have to live out the Gospel in our daily lives.

"To get something you've never had before you will have to do something you have never done before." I'm not sure who said that, but I know it is true. If we expect to experience Church in a different way, I am convinced that we will have to do (and be) Church in a different way too.

-kg


Seth Godin's blog entry is here:
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2008/01/the-more-people.html

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