Monday, November 24, 2008
What Do You Want From Me?
Yesterday at house church we did an art exercise led by our own Heather Wright.
After everyone had closed their eyes, Heather asked us to imagine being in the crowd as Jesus taught the Beatitudes on the hillside. She asked us to imagine the feel of the ground beneath our feet, the smell in the air, the warmth of the sun on our face.
As Jesus taught she asked us to think about how we felt as we listened to him speak, to imagine what his voice sounded like. To look at the faces of the others around us and to gauge their reactions. Then Jesus stopped teaching and turned and walked over the top of the hill with his disciples. Where was he going? Would you follow him?
Suddenly Jesus returns and walks straight towards you. He takes your face in his hands and looks directly into your eyes. Do you look into his eyes? Do you look down? Do you look away? He asks you, "What do you want for me to do for you?"
Everyone then took a scrap of paper and spent time writing or drawing what their response was to this question, or just what they felt or saw during this exercise.
As I sat there with the paper in my hand I could feel a burning deep in my chest. Earlier that morning a good friend had called me to ask if there was anything I was praying about. I told him about something that was on my heart for possible ministry opportunities at the motel where we serve. My friend corrected me, "No, I mean is there something personal that you're asking God for? Is there something for yourself that you want God to answer for you or to do for you?"
I couldn't come up with anything but I told my friend I would let him know if I thought of something.
Now, here I was, sitting on my sofa in house church and Heather was leading me to Jesus and he was looking directly into my eyes, and Jesus was asking me once again, "What do you want me to do for you?"
I was overwhelmed with emotion. Twice in the same day God had directly asked me to tell him what was on my heart. What was it I wanted from him? Why couldn't I answer this question?
After praying about this and searching my heart deeply, I knew in that moment, standing before Jesus with his hands on my face and the question in his eyes, I knew that there was only one answer I could give.
What would your answer be?