Sunday, June 25, 2006

CRY UNCLE!

Sorry I've been lax in posting here lately.

MOMENTUM 06 just wrapped late last night and in a few hours I'll hop on a borrowed RV with 7 others and head to Arizona for a six hour drive to launch our ROADSHOW with Mike Pilavachi.

Ugh.

I am so tired of this.

I miss my family. I miss "normal" (whatever that is).

Last night I realized that I have been enduring hardship for exactly a year (starting with last year's MOMENTUM conference where Wendy and I had just had a miscarriage a few days previous).

I'm ready for a season of not getting hit with a hammer. I want to pause this dull suffering and step into a stretch of time where He makes me lay down in green pastures and restores my soul.

When I was a kid my Dad and I would wrestle on the floor together. If he ever got me pinned in a way that I couldn't move or escape he would ask me to "Say Uncle" (meaning I give up the fight).

I feel like God and I are on the floor. We've been wrestling for a year now. I've been pinned and I'm trying to get up.

I say "Uncle".

I know a lot of what makes my situation more raw is the fact that I'm physically and emotionally exhausted right now. I just want to find a quiet place somewhere, preferably a soft, clean, King-sized placed with cotton sheets and my favorite pillow, and sleep for a week or so.

When you get exhausted and you endure the feeling for several days you begin to loose control of your emotions. Everything is either unbearably sad, or ridiculously funny, or entirely too difficult to even begin to attempt.

I'll be away from my family for another 2 days now. On the road with co-workers and friends. But under the stress of having to perform again, which is something I have learned to loathe (I mean "Performance").

If I could call a time-out about now, I would. If I could hit the pause button and retire to the sofa, I would.

But.....I can't...and that sucks.

2 comments:

Plegrand said...

Hi Keith,

Hang in there. It's only a few more days. I am "hear" your sadness in you blog.
Lord, please help Keith get through these next 2 days. Work in him & through him. Please help his family too. It must be hard for them as well.

Don't forget that Jacob wrestled with God and asked for a blessing and he got it.

Patti LeGrand
Nashville, TN

Carrie Cosby said...

KG it's a blessing to be able and willing to express the desires, struggles, worries, and joys of your heart and mind. The writers of the stories we now affectionatly call "the Bible" wrote from their hearts out of their struggles, fears, and grievances all the time. Thank you for sharing your struggles, Keith - speaking as a member of our church, I hope this doesn't sound trite, but it's relieving to hear that my pastors I admire struggle the same way I do. You are a blessing Keith and whether or not it is expressed in the coming week, your efforts at making all these events possible are so appreciated and "If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet: how important you can be to the people you may never ever dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person." (I know it's totally corny to quote someone else when encouraging and complimenting, but Mister Rogers said it much better than I could so I had to give credit where credit is due)
Anyway it's true ... and Miss LeGrand is right ... Jacob wrestled with God, was injured, asked for a blessing - "you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome"
You'll be home soon!
Carrie