Love and Sacrifice

I awoke this morning with a fragment of a dream in my head. I got up and went into our den. It was around 3:30 a.m. or so.

I knelt down in front of our sofa and started to pray about what I had seen and it began to unfold for me.

Whether it was a dream, or a vision, or just an idea that was playing itself out in my head visually, I'm not sure, but this is what I saw:

I walked into a convenience store. It was night time. There was a man standing in the middle of the store with a mask over his head. He was holding a gun and pointing it at the store clerk.

When the man with the gun saw me walk in, he turned and pointed the gun at my head. He pressed the barrel to my forehead. I heard him cock the hammer on the weapon with his thumb. It made a loud "click".

Then the man spoke to me these words: "Give me the password to your blog our I'll kill you."

My reaction was about the same as yours: Huh?

But the more I meditated on this the more I understood what it was all about.

I have seen it happen more than once in my lifetime. There are some who get a taste of fame and develop a large following on their blog, or through their podcast, and they start to neglect their family - their wife, their children - in favor of nurturing that "ministry."

It can be very difficult to realize that you're sacrificing your family for your own selfish ego, especially if you couple all of that with a "brand new revelation from God" that you - and you alone - seem to have a finger on.

Honestly, I have known many people who are willing to sacrifice their marriage for their fanbase.

Oh, trust me, they would never put it in those words. Never.

But they would say that their wife just doesn't see the vision, or that the Enemy is attacking them because they alone can see the Truth, or something along those lines.

Let me say, here and now: My wife is more important to me than my blog. I would never allow my podcast, or my pursuit of more "likes" and "shares" and "comments" to overshadow my family, or my marriage.

At least, I sincerely hope I wouldn't.

Honestly, I can understand how this happens. Last year I wrote a blog post about the "Blood Moon Hoax". On a normal blog post I may get a few hundred hits in a week or two. But in that case I got about 10,000 hits - in a single week.

So, what did I do? I wrote another post about the End Times. Why? Because, obviously, this was a topic that a LOT of people were interested in.

Then, I did a podcast about it. And then I did another blog post about the book of Revelation.

Why did I do all of that? Because I got addicted to all those crazy hits, and "likes" and "follows".

But then I realized that writing about those topics isn't what God had called me to do. It had become all about pleasing an audience rather than writing what was really at the core of my own personal calling and convictions.

So, I can understand how sometimes people can get blinded by all of that and lose perspective.

If people were sending me thousands of dollars to support my ministry, and flying me around the country to speak at their conferences or church events, and cheering me on via social media and singing my praises, that would be pretty intoxicating.

And then if Wendy didn't "get it" or wanted me to stay home and spend more time with the family, I could understand how it might be easy to write her reaction off as "the Enemy's tactics" or just dismiss her lack of enthusiasm as a lack of faith.

Of course, none of that is happening to me right now. And I pray that if it ever does I am wise enough, and humble enough, to lay it all down and walk away.

I have also seen Pastors, and Evangelists, and Prophets, and Teachers neglect their children, and their marriages, for the sake of the Ministry. They see it as some great sacrifice that God requires of them because of their special calling. They consider it to be some sort of Abraham and Isaac scenario where God is testing their love and commitment to Himself by requiring them to place their family and their marriage on the back burner.

It's a lie.

God does not require us to neglect our family in order to serve Him. He does not expect us to spend hours with total strangers while we starve our own children of love and our own wives of our affection.

Our families are not a distraction from our ministry. They are a huge part of our ministry. This is why Paul says that those who cannot take care of their own households should not be considered for ministry within the Body.

Our ministry starts at home. If I can't love my wife and my children as Jesus loves the Church (and gave Himself up for it), then how can I love anyone else?

So, for the record:

This blog is not more important to me than my wife.

My podcast is not more important to me than my family.

My internet fame (such as it is) is not worth more to me than my own sons.

I would lay it all down, give it all up, in a heartbeat, to save my marriage and salvage my family.

A wise man once told me, "If the ministry won't survive without you, then it's not God's ministry, it's yours."

God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. I chose grace over pride.

Anyone willing to sacrifice their wife, or their family, for their ministry is choosing pride.

Can their fall from grace be very far behind?


-kg

UNBELIEVABLE TRUTH #7 – Jesus Sets Us Free From Every Sin

My internet friend, Brant Hansen, said something the other day that inspired me to write today’s blog.

What Brant noted was that we tend draw the line between good people and bad people. If we do good things, God will accept and love us, but if we do bad things then God will hate us and punish us. But, as he wisely pointed out, Jesus never drew those distinctions between good people and bad people. Instead, Jesus seemed to always draw a distinction between proud people and humble people.

Humble people receive God’s mercy and grace, but God opposes proud people. (See James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5, Proverbs 3:34)

What matters, then, is not “being good” or “being bad” but coming to God with humility.

See, God isn’t looking for a few good men. He already knows there aren’t any. Instead, God is looking for humble people who are willing to receive His wonderful gift of life and justification through faith.

I was also looking again at a series of verses in Acts 13:38-41 where Paul affirms something equally amazing, saying:

“Through Jesus, the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you…everyone who believes is set free from every sin – a justification you were not able to obtain under the Law of Moses.”

Most of us don’t really get that. In fact, that’s why Paul goes on to quote Habakkuk 1:5:

“I am doing something that you will not believe, even when someone explains it to you!” (quoted in Acts 13:41)

What’s the thing that we cannot believe? It’s the idea that Jesus has “set (us) free from every sin” and that we are now fully and totally justified under the Law of Moses – AS IF WE KEPT THE LAW PERFECTLY. Even though we don’t keep the Law perfectly (because we can’t), Jesus DID keep the Law of Moses perfectly and then (get this) He transferred that justification to every single one of those who put their trust in Him.

Wow.

What if we actually believed this message? Well, if we did it would mean that we would live like people who were not condemned for their failures. We would live like people who really believed this:

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1-4)

Over the weekend I was sharing this exact verse with a brother in Christ and after we were finished he said something like this:

"How awful to miss what Jesus has done for us on the cross."

That is exactly what someone might say who hasn’t yet understood Romans 8, and Acts 13 because after hearing this truth our first reaction is to put ourselves right back under condemnation again.

Don’t do that.

The point for us is that Jesus has set us free from every sin and has justified us "as if we kept the Law of Moses perfectly" because Jesus DID do that in our place, and then He shared that work with all of us.

So, rather than being down on yourself for not seeing it - just see it and accept it and start walking in the light of a new day, rejoicing in the freedom that Jesus has given you and the FACT that you are set free from sin and from condemnation!

Go ahead and say, "Woo-hoo!"

You might even want to jump for joy. I'm serious. Find a private place where no one is around and jump into the air and say "Praise God!" because that's an appropriate response.

Try it! And then make it your mission to daily wake up and remind yourself of the Truth: I am set free to live without condemnation from God because Jesus has done what I could never do – kept the Law of Moses perfectly – and now I live in the reality of God’s Grace as if I had kept the Law perfectly. Not because I have, but because Jesus did and He gave that gift to me.

Keep saying it until you really believe it. Then spread the Good News.

-kg

FULL DISCLOSURE: I SUCK

I’m going to make a few observations about myself in the interest of full disclosure.

Personally, I struggle with pride. Anyone who knows me knows this is true, so this isn't my big confession yet. That comes later.

Anyway, because of my struggle with pride, I’ve always had a hard time being the guy behind the pulpit. Not because I’m uncomfortable there, but precisely because I am much TOO comfortable in that spotlight. My love language is “Words of Affirmation” and whenever I am the focus of everyone’s attention I tend to absorb more than my fair share of ego-inducing energy. After a short time, I begin to see my sermons as performances and I tend to experience a blurring of focus. I start to believe my own hype and I over-internalize all those well-meaning comments about how great I am and what a good sermon I preached and how blessed they were and blah, blah, blah.

Let me be clear, I’m not against public speaking or teaching. It’s not a bad thing to have someone teach others about God’s Word for twenty minutes while they take notes, or better yet ask questions. God has given teachers to the Church for the building up of the Body. That's good. The problem I had with preaching in front of an audience was me. The problem was with me.

So, here I am, about four years later. I’ve started a house church in my home. I am no longer “the pastor” and I do not preach in any formal way. In fact, if anything, I’ve done my best to encourage others to teach and to share more than I do. I’ve also wrestled internally with being a member of the Body of Christ rather than as any sort of “leader” in the Body. I still think I talk too much, and others in our house church would agree. But overall it’s been a great experience for me to step down off the pulpit and allow others to teach me for a change.

Now and again I do still preach and teach, but only on rare occasions and, so far, only at other churches or gatherings outside of our house church. Again, I’m not against preaching at all and when it comes to my own issues with standing behind the pulpit I’ve mostly overcome the challenge.

So, imagine my despair when it dawned on me about a week ago that nothing has really changed at all. In fact, I still continue to preach from a pulpit and accept adoring praise as a way to fulfill my own ego and pride every single week. It's called: This blog you're reading right now.

My blog, and my Twitter page, and my Facebook account, are all just cyber-versions of that same pulpit I thought I had escaped. Each comment and Tweet sent my way in appreciation continues to feed my desire to be stroked. Every re-Tweet sent is yet another drop on my endlessly expanding ego sponge. Every shared link to my blog is just another brick in the ever-growing temple to my own vanity.

And there you have it. I suck.

Seriously, this realization nearly killed me. I mean, in my spirit, in my heart, it physically hurt me to the core. For the last seven days I have been in spiritual and psychological pain. One friend of mine described it as the Dark Night of the Soul and I would have to agree. It was very dark. My soul was in deep distress. I hated myself for being so foolish and selfish. And trust me, there's no greater suffering than for someone who loves himself to discover he cannot stand being in his own skin.

So, I contemplated ending my blog, killing my Twitter account and shutting down my Facebook page. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. What was the point anymore? I was so disgusted with myself for being so full of pride. The only thing that kept me sane during this time was my wife and her prayers for me. A few of you also prayed for me and I am grateful for those prayers, but sadly they did little to lessen the pain. When I closed my eyes at night and laid my head on the pillow one thing remained the same: I was still a scumbag. My prideful heart was still pumping strong. All I wanted to do was crawl under a rock somewhere and die.

Today I think I felt the clouds parting slightly. Maybe it’s not all for nothing. Maybe, in spite of my pride, God can still use my teaching ability. Much like my ordeal with preaching from the pulpit, I was able to manage my own response to those words of affirmation and continue to teach, however sporadically, without allowing the praise to go to my head. Perhaps, with my blog, I can do the same thing? Maybe I can continue to write articles and encourage people here without taking myself too seriously? Maybe, now that I am aware of my weakness, I can learn to manage this part of my pride as well? Maybe.

So, for now, I will continue to write articles here and to Tweet now and again, and to post things over on Facebook once in a while. But, today I am more aware of my own wicked heart and my own deceitful nature. My hope is that I can edify and encourage you – my brothers and sisters in Christ – without using this as a platform to spread my own meager fame.

Again, the problem here is not with blogging, or the internet. The problem is with me. I am the problem. The tool is just a tool, but I need to learn to use the tool for the common good, and not for my own selfish purpose.

Please forgive me for being a hypocrite. I hope to improve my serve in this area, as God gives me Grace.

Peace to you,
Keith

PRIDE KILLS

This weekend I had an opportunity to see the destructive power of pride in action. My friend Robert is 77 years old and homeless. He lives in a motel room in Santa Ana all alone. He can barely breathe. He has no strength to stand and walk to the bathroom without stopping halfway to rest against the wall and catch his breath. He eats Ramen noodles and donated food, and yet he refuses to allow me to buy him lunch. He will not, even as a personal favor to me, allow a volunteer from the Senior Community Center to come and talk to him about their free meals program, or their free shuttle plan.

Instead, Robert talks to me about his plan to ask his doctor to amputate his right arm because he is in constant pain following surgery after an accident. “If I let them just cut my arm off,” he says, “then I could stay at Fountain Care and they would bring me my meals and someone would be there to take care of me all the time,” he says. I can only shake my head in disbelief. “But Robert,” I try to explain, “you could stay here in this bed and keep your arm and someone could still bring you your meals and come visit you and make sure you’re doing ok.” He makes a face and shakes his head, coughing hard into a napkin as he lays back on his rented bed. “Naw,” he finally croaks out. “I don’t want to lose what little independence I have.” And around and around we go.

Driving home after our visit I am frustrated and I let God know about it. “Please, God, let Robert let me help him,” I pray. I remember Jesus instructing his disciples not to take anything with them and to leave their money belts at home as they went out to preach the Gospel. In some ways, Robert is giving me an opportunity to learn how to be his friend and to demonstrate the Kingdom of God to him without money. If I don’t give him money, then what can I give him? Friendship. Honesty. Love. Compassion. Jesus.

Still, it frustrates me that Robert would rather do things his own way and lose his arm than to accept help from someone else and keep his arm, and his health. This isn’t anything new, of course. Many people who are homeless are kept there because of their pride. Many exhibit varying degrees of “It’s my way or the highway” attitudes which prevent them from entering a program or submitting to the rules imposed by a shelter or a rescue mission. So, they hold hard and fast to their way of doing things, even though their way keeps them homeless and hungry and alone.

In some ways I can relate because, at heart, I am a prideful man. If there’s anything I grapple with on a daily basis, it’s my pride.

This weekend I also experienced a bit of humility. On more than one occasion I found myself humiliated and it gave me an opportunity to explore my pride a bit more. I realize that the only reason I got my feelings hurt in each case was due to the stature of my pride. If I had been humble and meek my feelings would not have been hurt. I could’ve cleared the low ceilings without banging my head if my knees were already bent low. Instead, I walked upright and got smacked in the face with my head held high.

Someone once told me that you know you’re really a servant when you get treated like one and you don’t get insulted. I’m not there yet, but one day I hope to be.

Pride kills. I’ve seen it divide families, churches, and marriages. It also removes us from God’s grace and takes us on a detour from the Kingdom of God.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” – James 4:6

At the sermon on the mount, Jesus established the reality of God’s Kingdom for us. He told us that, in God’s economy, the poor, the weak, the humble, and the broken-hearted were the most blessed in the Kingdom. Along this redefined scale of greatness, those who find themselves at the bottom in this life are blessed to learn that, in God’s Kingdom, they are actually closer to the top than they thought.

We often get confused and say that God’s Kingdom is upside down, but the truth is that our reality is what’s out of whack. God is not upside down, nor is His perspective. This is why those who seem to be on the top in our society (the rich, the famous, and the powerful) often admit that they are empty, broken and disillusioned to discover that Jesus was right all along. The way to true life and joy and happiness is down, not up. When we surrender this fantasy of having it all and let go of everything except God himself we’ve taken a most important step. Many of those who are weak, humble, broken and poor already know that they are not good enough to make it on their own. They are at the top of God’s scale of greatness even though they seem to be at the bottom of ours.

I must confess that I still struggle with these two opposing definitions of greatness. I catch myself wanting fame and working for the praise of men, even though I have seen the Kingdom and I believe that Jesus showed us the Truth. True greatness is found at the feet of others with a basin and a towel, not sitting atop the highest sky-scraper overlooking the largest city while you count your money. I know that, but I am still learning to embrace the reality of it.

So, if anything, my experience this weekend with naked pride and painful humiliation has been beneficial to me. I’ve received a reminder of how pride can imprison someone, and I’ve discovered that my prideful heart is still alive and well –and still in need of being crucified with Christ.

What are the things I do every day that feed my ego or stoke my pride? Can I fully surrender these empty aspirations at worldly fame? Can I actually demonstrate that I believe Jesus is true when he says that the greatest in the Kingdom is the servant of all?

I stayed up late last night, after my wife and sons went to bed. I sat alone and I recapped my weekend. I took stock of all these things and I believe there are some things that still need to die in me. There are still territories in my heart that need reformation. Let the revolution continue.
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