Thirsty For Greater Thirst

There’s a great line from an old Steve Taylor song that says, “Don’t you know by now why the chosen are few? It’s harder to believe than not to.”

As I’ve been re-reading A.W. Tozer’s classic book, “The Pursuit of God” these last few weeks I’ve been challenged to go deeper in my walk with God. Maybe “challenged” isn’t the right word. It’s more like being enticed by the Holy Spirit to explore the boundless magnificence of Jesus. And as I’ve been slowly pulled into this ever-growing vortex of God’s irresistible love, I’ve started to notice something strange; It’s harder than I would have ever imagined to keep Jesus at the center of my heart.

This truth sobers me, and confounds me all at the same time. I’m sobered by this realization because it makes me realize that up until now I’ve probably not been living my life with Jesus at the center. I thought that I was. In good faith, I’ve tried up to this point to follow Jesus and to listen for His voice and to obey. But, perhaps this is simply a season where God is turning up the volume a bit more. I’m not sure. I just know that there is more of Jesus to know than I have known so far, and I know that I want to know Him better.

I’m confounded by the difficulty of keeping Jesus at the center of my heart because it shouldn’t be anything new for me. Why is it so much harder now than it used to be? Have I allowed other things to creep into my heart and take hold? If so, how do I overcome this grip and restore Jesus to His rightful place?

Fasting seems to be in order here, because it allows me to cut off the source of worldly distractions and, at the same time, to open up my bandwidth to dial in more of the Master’s voice to my internal receiver.

Right now there are several stray thoughts and feelings that are floating around my heart like wisps of willow on the breeze. One thing I’m aware of is that it’s entirely possible for me to get lost in all the glorious beauty of Jesus. I want to get lost in Him. I realize that the veil around my heart that separates me from Him is paper thin. If anything, this is both exhilarating and terrifying. The Holy One is just inches away from me. I could take one step and be near Him. In fact, if I draw nearer to Him, He will most certainly draw nearer to me. We are closing in on one another like binary stars locked in a terminal orbit. It is inevitable that He and I will become one in spirit and purpose. My heart beats a little faster at the thought of breathing His breath, at the idea of thinking His thoughts, of hearing His whispering voice in my ear.

So, why is it difficult for me to keep this ever-approaching Jesus at the center of my heart? Why would I ever need to fight to keep someone so glorious and exquisite in my mind at all times? This is my conundrum. I am becoming aware of something inside of me that resists His will. Something outside of my control that constantly attempts to eclipse the beautiful light of His face. What is this? How do I stop it? Why is it there?

In the most simple terms, this thing is me. It’s the part of me that has yet to submit to His will. It’s the dark creature of sin that runs wild in the overgrown forest of my soul. The monster is me. The distraction is me. I want to look away. I don’t want to see that face, but it’s too late. I’ve already seen it before and I know it too well. It’s the same as the one in my mirror each morning.

So, what can I do? All that remains is to continue my journey towards His light. In Him I know that this dark flesh cannot thrive. The nearer I come to Jesus, the weaker this beast becomes. This is why it fights me. This is why it begs me to look away from my Lord. It wants desperately to live. So, it reminds me of all the candy-coated pleasures of this fleshly existence. It sings, it dances, it shouts, it pleads with me to slow down, or to stop and rest on my journey towards God. “What’s the hurry?” it says. But, I cannot let it distract me from my Lord. I must keep pressing onward. It burns. It bleeds. It struggles. But even as it fights me, I know it is condemned to lose. The hammer is already in His hands. The nails are already being pressed into my flesh. Together, my Lord and I will crucify this thing. We will endure this brief torture for the joy set before us when it is gone and nothing else could ever stand between our hearts.

God alone has the power to drive those nails. My part is only to confess my desire to desire Him more. I can only ask Him to give me the faith to want more faith so that I may become thirsty enough to cry out for more thirst for Him and His righteousness.

-kg 


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"Let us remember: when we talk of the rending of the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant; but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all."  -A. W. Tozer; The Pursuit of God.

IN HOT PURSUIT

Lately I’ve been contemplating the idea that there is more of Jesus to know than I know. Of course, this isn’t much of a huge revelation as far as things go. But the concept has gripped me over the last few days and I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

I’ve been following Jesus for over 30 years now. I’ve been a licensed and ordained pastor for over 20 years. Yet the longer I know Jesus the more I realize that I have barely scratched the surface. What I know of Jesus is significant, but much of it is based on my past experience or my knowledge of the scriptures.

What set my imagination spinning was a brief testimonial where various people shared their breath taking experiences discovering how high and wide and deep and long the person of Jesus really was. As I listened to them speak I sensed something in my spirit begin to leap. I knew that it was possible for me to lose myself in the endless deep of Jesus like these people had. I understood that I had slowed down in my pursuit of Jesus. I had settled for less.

Even the idea of following Jesus implies chasing after him. Lately I’ve allowed my walk with Jesus to become more like lounging around. Rather than slowly following Jesus as if He weren’t headed anywhere particular or doing anything all that important, I began to think of following Jesus as a pursuit. Suddenly I could see that Jesus was active and moving and “always at work” [John 5:17]. It made keeping up with Jesus an active verb. Following Jesus is more like keeping up with Him and less like meandering aimlessly.

There is more of Jesus for me to know than I know. He is more marvelous, more exciting, more glorious than I can even imagine. I realize that lately the Jesus I’ve been following has been pretty predictable and sluggish. Maybe it’s not Jesus I’m following after all? Or maybe I’m still walking at the pace Jesus was keeping in my life five years ago? It’s as if I’m looking up and He’s farther ahead of me than I thought He was. It’s time for me to pick up the tempo and chase after Jesus again with all of my heart.

Of course, I understand that for me to fully receive more of Jesus I will need to allow Him to make room within my heart. It means that there is a cost. To have more of Him I will need less of me. This is why Jesus says that no one who wants to chase after Him can accomplish this without a daily death of self. [Luke 9:23]

Even as I contemplate the idea that there is more of Jesus to know than I know, my flesh whispers doubt in my ear. “Can there really be more of Jesus to know than you know already?” I hear the serpent hiss. “You’ve gone as far as you can go with Jesus. This is all there is.”

But I know this voice. I recognize the emptiness. It’s the flesh in me speaking out against the Spirit. “There must be more. I know there is more.”

All that I’ve experienced before? That’s not what Jesus is wanting to show me. All that I’ve heard and seen? There’s even more to know of Jesus than this. All the wisdom and truth and revelation God has given me in the past? It’s only the barest preamble of what Jesus has in store.

The revivals, the healings, the miracles, the prophetic words, the testimonies, the sweet intimate moments alone with him, all of it is less than what still waits ahead of me. Jesus has only begun to reveal His Glorious Self to me.

After all this time, there's more of Him to know. After all these years, there's more of Jesus to love. There's more of His splendor to see. There are more oceans of His love still left for me to sail.

My heart beats faster the more I consider this truth. Jesus is standing at the door and waiting to show me more of Himself. I dare not keep Him waiting.

-kg