What's Really Yours?

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. “ – (John 1:1-3)

Sometimes I forget that God owns everything, and that means everything I experience was created by Him, and comes into my life after first passing through His hands.

Since Jesus made everything, everything belongs to Him. Saturn is his. China is his. Every swordfish on earth is his. Every square inch of moon dust belongs to him, and the moon itself. Every panda bear. Every star in the Universe. Every square inch of everything. It all belongs to God. Absolutely nothing that you and I can see or conceive of exists apart from Christ, and since He made it, it’s His alone.

“What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” – (1 Cor. 4:7)

When we forget that everything belongs to God, we can become selfish. We start to believe that the things that are in our care belong to us, as if we created them ourselves. We start to think that God only deserves 10 percent of our money, for example, when obviously He deserves all of it. We start to think that God deserves only one day each week for us to spend thinking about Him and talking to Him instead of realizing that every breath belongs to Him and that our entire lives depend upon Him.

“For in him (Jesus) all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together” – (Colossians 1:16-17)

Without Jesus there would be no planet, no solar system, no atmosphere, no water, no food to eat, no oxygen, no photosynthesis.

Jesus is more than our Savior. He is more than our Lord. He is the creator of the Universe. He deserves all we can give Him, and even if we do give everything we have to Him, all we will have done is to give back to Him the very things He owns already.

Do you know the one thing that Jesus wants most of all? It’s you. Your heart. Your time. Your love, freely given to Him. He wants that one part of yourself that you’ve been holding back from Him. You know what it is. He wants that most of all because He loves you and He knows that once you let go of that He can put something into your heart that is more glorious and wonderful than you could ever imagine. Something that you can really call your own – Himself.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” – (Ephesians 3:16-19)

How could you not love a God who would rather die than live without you? Who has already emptied Himself of everything in order to give you all of Himself? This is a creator who loves us until it hurts. Until it kills Him.  

Thank you, Jesus, that we are rich in all the things that matter – and rich in many other ways that do not.

-kg

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“All I see, all I’ve known, all I touch, all I own, first came through your hands like grains of golden sand."

A Poem - [Surrender]

The ache is deep and without form
The syllables leave my mouth unspoken
While this unrest remains, embedded within.
Not in the wind, or fire.
Not in the earthquake, or rain.
Still. Small. Whispering endless
As deep calls to deep.
A weight upon my heart
If I knew the words
If I could speak the name.
Here in this place, at the end
awaiting the dawn, like a radio tuned to a dead station
signal to noise, heart in hand
eyes closed, breath shallow, quietly attuned.
Nothing left but faith and hope
and the greatest of these
I raise the white flag
I lift my hands high
I surrender
All

-kg

READY TO LET GO

A few months ago, after reading an article in Wired Magazine about screenwriter Charlie Kaufman ("Eternal Sunshine", "Being John Malkovich", etc.), I had an unusual thought. More like a question in my head really, but with a deep resonance like someone was tapping their finger against the tuning fork in my soul.

The question was, "What would you do if you weren't writing your weekly [Subversive Underground] articles?"

I put the magazine down. I sipped my coffee and rolled the question across the pallette of my mind. "What would I do...?"

The question took root in my soul with such a deep force that I had to stand up and walk around. I found myself heading for the front door and soon I was walking across the green grass on my front lawn and down the sidewalk and across the street.

"What if I didn't write my newsletter each week? What would I do instead?"

I've been writing my weekly e-newsletter for just about three years. The original intent was to have an excuse to write something on a regular basis and setting up a subscription feed to send my articles to helped motivate me to sit down and write something of substance - because people were expecting it to arrive and if they didn't get it I would be letting them down.

After 3 years I would have to say that it worked. Every week for the last 3 years I've sat down and written articles on discipleship to Jesus, God's heart for the poor, the Gospel of the Kingdom and my adventures planting a house church in Orange County.

Because of these articles I've been able to formulate my thoughts on these issues and self-publish two books, with more on the way, and I've heard from many people over the years about how my articles have encouraged them in their own walk with Christ. I've developed a sort of Internet Ministry of sorts, completely by the Grace of God, and I'm thankful for all of it.

But now, this question comes to me like a whisper and asks me to consider something radical - what if I let it all go?

Running this by a few of my friends I received mixed reactions. Some want me to transition the newsletter into a different direction, others encourage me to let it go and see what God does next. At this point I'm still not sure what exactly will happen when the final [Subversive Underground] has been sent and I am free from this self-imposed obligation to write something for 276 subscribers - mostly strangers from various places around the globe.

But, in many ways, it's the question that intrigues me. "What would I do?" I've thought about changing the newsletter to focus on others who are living subversive lives and serving others by doing a series of interviews. I've thought about asking my readers to share their thoughts with each other and open up the newsletter to everyone else to tell their own story. I've also thought about just challenging my readers to live more subversive and practice a life of service for the good of others and then turning off the lights and letting it all stop. But, honestly, I still really don't know yet what to do next.

Last week I sat at my keyboard and I really didn't feel like writing anything. I wished, out loud to myself, that the [SU] were already finished, but then I took a deep breath and prayed for inspiration and out came another article. So, maybe there's still a bit of this left in me for now?

Even more than the question itself, what I think inspires me most of all right now is the one who is asking me that question and the finger of Him who is tapping that tuning fork in my soul, sending out those reverbations of new possibility. What does God have in mind? Where is He leading me next?

I think the answer to that question isn't something I need, in my own finite creative mind, to dream up. I think it's more about obedience to the One asking me the question. Am I willing to let go of a list of 276 people who are reading my words each week? Am I willing to start over again with nothing? Am I willing to risk anonymity for the sake of the Gospel? Would I really abandon my tiny internet Kingdom to pursue the King of Glory and the Kingdom of God?

In my heart of hearts I know what I have to do. I know I need to lay it all down. I know that Jesus set an example for me that I need to follow. I have to let go. I have to say "Yes". I have to follow that whispering voice. Because He's my shepherd and I can't resist Him.

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. — John 12:24

Right now I can't think of anything better than letting go in order to discover His perfect will.

-kg