EPIC FAIL

Over the weekend I came face to face with a very uncomfortable truth: I’m hardly willing to be inconvenienced for Jesus, much less to die for Him.

The scenario by which I came to realize this about myself is hardly relevant. Although, God’s process of revelation to me was quite elaborate and poetically executed. But the point was made and I cannot deny that this is true.

I want to die to myself. I believe that it’s essential to my walk with Christ. I understand that without my death to self, Jesus cannot live within me. Yet the sad thing is, I have not been practicing this in my daily life. I have placed my own personal comfort above the needs of others.

So, what now? I know that I am not the Christian I thought I was. I have seen my face in the mirror and I recognize my own hypocrisy, but what can I do about this?

It’s tempting to think that what I need to do is to become more spiritual. I should read my Bible more, or pray more often, or go and serve the poor more often, or maybe fast for a few meals. That should fix the problem, right?

Wrong. I know this because I’ve done all of that before. Yes, this has happened to me more than once. I’ve fallen short, missed an opportunity to be salt and light and flat-out blown it over and over again. In those cases I responded by doing more stuff for God, or trying to become more spiritual than I was before. All that it ever accomplished was to make me feel better about failing my Lord and helping me to re-apply the illusion to convince myself that everything was alright. But it wasn’t, and it isn’t.

Here is the truth: I am commanded to lay down my life and surrender everything to Jesus. I want to do that, but the process is difficult for me. I need to constantly surrender my life to Jesus every single day. Some days I accomplish this, other days I fail miserably.

This realization is God’s gift to me. He’s showing me the truth so that, together, He and I can nail yet another part of my flesh to the cross.

Jesus is trying to invade this space. I need to get out of his way and let him live and breathe in me. The process is ongoing. It involves a constant, daily surrender to Him.

Listen. Surrender. Repeat.

 

-kg